Why I’m Not Quitting Ministry

By Will Hess

“It is my great honor and privilege to be the first to introduce to you today, Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Smith”

[1]

Recently, I spoke these words and they rang out in an open dusty barn at a beautiful countryside wedding. I watched as two young people, whom I have grown to love and admire, walked down the aisle celebrating their marriage together with their entire lives ahead of them. It was a proper bookend to my ministry here in Michigan and one that filled my heart with joy, happiness, pride, and most of all…closure.

Why would I need closure? Let me explain…

In 2016 my wife and I moved here to minister at a small country church. We were young, excited, and ready to serve with all the excitement we had to muster. We quickly began discipling, serving, and creating plans for the future of the church. Things were going well…until they weren’t. Needless to say, ministry isn’t always easy. It took about a year for us to experience our first real trial as the church endured a split (not two years from a previous split they had suffered before our arrival). The reasons for the split were many, but most of all it was political and trivial – as most disunity tends to be. We felt betrayed as those who seemed to be our strongest supporters turned their backs on us over tertiary matters. During this split, my wife was gone in Washington nursing her dying mother in a hospice bed for four months. When my wife returned from her mother’s passing, the church had dramatically shifted. The people who once said, “we are praying for you and your family as your mom passes” were no longer to be found – leaving behind nothing but the bitter memories of hollow talk.

During this time though, we were able to rally some troops and begin to rebuild with a few key families. Things began to thrive again and we began to heal. We saw the Youth Group alone go from four kids to sometimes over thirty! We had so much momentum and it felt that not even the gates of hell could withstand the force of this church. It was during this time we met Brian Bode, the infamous co-host of our podcast. It was also during this time that my other best friend Andrew and his wife Brittany decided to move up from Alabama to help build the church even further. Soon after that decision was made though, we received momentous news!

[Youth Group Retreat and Pregnancy Announcement]

Cali was pregnant.

We were going to have a baby! Years of marriage thinking we couldn’t have a child and here we were – expecting our own little peanut. However, within just a few weeks, Cali miscarried. We were devastated. A month later, more turmoil began to grow with a few families in the church and not two weeks before Andrew and Brittany moved to Michigan – the church began to split…again…

I received a text and phone call at ten o’clock at night from the associate pastor. He was one of the key pillars to rebuilding the church after the recent split. He informed me they were leaving the church. They had shifted their beliefs regarding a matter we had once agreed upon and were unhappy. It seemed such a dramatic shift on an issue so I attempted to reason with him and figure out if there were any other underlying issues. Finally, he exploded. He unloaded issues he had from the beginning, venting all his frustrations out – blaming me for all of it. Come to find out, nearly every decision we had made together, he secretly disagreed with. He spoke critically of that, my preaching style, our youth ministry etc. What began to take place was this individual calling around the church sowing more and more seeds of discord with a slant that would make Fox News or CNN envious. I remember people trying to reason with him, but to no avail. It seemed he didn’t just want to leave the church – he wanted everyone else to as well.

This cut deeply as this was a person who had once told me, “I’ve got your six” and would help me shape the church.. This was a man I once viewed as a friend. A close friend actually. I’ll be honest…I was in legitimate shock. When my mother-in-law was dying this person would have me over, pray for my wife while she was away, break bread with me, laugh, and discuss our next steps for the church. Both of us were excited for the thriving church – just to see him bring a hammer to it and others. It was devastating as I saw a once thriving church heartbroken. Some people inclined their ears to him and left for their own various reasons. Others were disenchanted as they had helped rebuild the church three times now and chose to leave – exhausted (who could blame them?) Some used the disunity as an excuse to stop attending church altogether. It was agonizing.

We saw brother turn against brother during this time. One Sunday I was in Sunday School, listening to Brian teach, and my wife came up to me and whispered, “people are causing issues in the lobby”. I got up from the sanctuary, walked through the double doors, and found a group of people fighting with each other in the middle of the main doorway. I quickly separated the groups and informed them that such behavior was not appropriate. Needless to say, a chunk of them also left after this. I was tired, I was sad, I was angry, and I didn’t know what more to do. It seemed unity was impossible…

There was an old man in the church, who has since passed away, who was close friends with people from the original split that occurred before my arrival and also close with people from the one following. I remember asking him at this point (during the third split), “why have you stayed? Through all of this?” His response has always stuck with me, “because after four years, and three different pastors? I think we can stop blaming the pastors.” Little did that elderly man know how much I needed to hear those words. During this time I had begun to believe I was just an utter failure and perhaps ministry wasn’t the right place for me after all. Perhaps I was just young and dumb with delusions of grandeur.

However, fortune never favors those who wallow in self pity, so we picked ourselves up and carried on one last time. After the church endured its third split in a few years, we strapped up and prepared to build once more. Although this time? I was much more tired. Spiritually I began to feel like I had poured and poured and didn’t have much more to give. The fire I once had was but a small ember. I was also paranoid of who I could trust as I had now experienced close friends in a church say one thing with their mouth, but another with their actions. However, I am a fighter by nature, so we carried on. Then we got the news…

Cali was pregnant again.

[Cali surprises Will with pregnancy announcement]

We were excited, but also scared as last time we had a pregnancy? We lost it. During this time I tried to keep Cali out of the spotlight entirely. I wanted her away from the stresses of ministry and the disgruntled church members. I wanted her to be as comfortable as possible so she could go through pregnancy in peace.

It didn’t work.

A new issue had risen in the church. These other people were determined to be heard and continued to demand meeting after meeting pointing their finger at minuscule things – primarily other church members. Finally, one day, my wife told me she was bleeding again. At this time I was in bi-vocational ministry so I rushed home from work. It appeared she was miscarrying again but it was inconclusive. At the same time, we had a previously scheduled house showing. Cali told me to go to the showing and she would monitor herself – perhaps it was nothing (although we both knew that was likely untrue). So I went. After the showing I had to run to the store as Cali needed me to pick up some things. Then I got it, the dreadful phone call. Cali called me and informed me our precious baby had passed. In the middle of the supermarket, I broke down. Andrew and Brittany were with me at the time and quickly ushered me home to be with Cali.

As we sat there mourning, my phone went off. The family who was disgruntled wanted to meet with me in thirty minutes. I texted them that it was not a good time. They were insistent and my wife told me through her tears, “just go and put an end to all this”. So I left my broken wife, walked over to the church and met them. I informed them I had limited time as things weren’t going well at home. This couple then said, “ It’s okay, we figured Cali was pregnant again…sorry it sounds like it’s not going well”.

I couldn’t believe it. This couple knew what was going on in my home, put the pieces together, yet demanded for us to meet and address their complaint anyway. What was their complaint? That someone at church, their friend, cracked a harmless joke about them in good faith. It wasn’t a malicious joke nor cruel, but a simple folksy joke. Never have I ever felt like my family’s pain meant so little. Later that week, this couple and their extended family informed us they were leaving the church. This family whom we had personally invested in for years ended up discarding us like an afterthought. They even attempted to leave a letter with all their grievances before the entire church – for all to see.

This was my breaking point. I could barely take it anymore. My family was enduring tragedy after tragedy and it seemed people in the church were more concerned about childish things than anything else. I began to speak to ministry friends, unfolding every event in detail. I was surprised how often I heard similar stories from other pastoral friends. What I thought was an exception to the rule began to sound more and more like the norm. During this time, quitting began to sound more and more favorable.

Then my wife got pregnant for the third time.

At this point I was exhausted. My wife and I were spiritually and emotionally drained. I also didn’t want my wife to have to deal with the pressures of ministry anymore as our little girl grew in her womb. Thus, after much prayerful consideration, we stepped down from the church and focused on our family. October 30, 2020 my beautiful daughter was prematurely born, but perfectly healthy. We named her Elyona – which means, “My God has answered”. Our hearts were full.

[Elyona sporting TCS merch]

During this time we got settled into our new house, the podcast began to grow, I began to teach at my friend’s church, I began a new career so my wife could stay home, and in every way possible things were going well. I even began to accept the fact that perhaps I wouldn’t be in vocational ministry and even reveled in being able to minister to others on my own terms – no strings attached. With how well things were going, why go back? I had about every excuse in the book to stay as far away from full-time ministry as possible. Yet, I could not get rid of the pull. I’ve known since I was seventeen that God wanted me to serve Him in ministry. No matter how much I worked, how much money I brought in, I could not get ministry off my heart and my mind. But why? With everything I’ve said up to this point, hasn’t ministry been horrible to me?

No. Not really.

The reality is, ministry wasn’t all bad. Sure we experienced many horrible things, but amongst all those terrible experiences we had many blessings. During our trials we made great friends with people in our church. Without that church I wouldn’t have hardly any of the people who are close to me now. If it wasn’t for that church I’d never have built The Church Split with Brian. If it weren’t for that church I wouldn’t have the love for apologetics and unity like I do now. I look around me and see all the things that are most precious to me and know that it is because of our ministry at that little country church that we have what we do. Every day I’m surrounded by people whom I love, have seen grow, and have a true friendship with. In addition, despite all these negative things, I have also seen many positive things…

About six months ago I received a call from a young man who attended that church’s youth group asking me to officiate his wedding. When he originally came to the church it was because a friend of his from work (Tabby, our former editor) kept inviting him to youth group. This young man wasn’t very close to the Lord yet and lived a lifestyle that was unbecoming of a Christian. We took a personal interest in his walk, hoping we’d see him grow in the Lord, and grow he did! He surrendered his life over to Jesus Christ, he gave up friendships that were harmful, and became passionate about living a holy life. Eventually, we made him the leader of our praise and worship team.

Now, remember the man I mentioned earlier who spun things like Fox and CNN? This was one of those areas of contention for he did not believe this young man should be leading anything. He thought it was inappropriate of me to put him into leadership due to the young man’s recent background. He shamelessly held the young man’s background over his head. Yet, we continually saw fruit in this young man’s life. So although he faced condemnation from this older gentleman, he remained faithful to church and continued to pursue his relationship with Jesus Christ. He eventually got engaged to his girlfriend, a wonderful and sweet Christian girl. Months later, as I stood there closing the wedding ceremony, I had peace. My time at the church wasn’t all for nought. Not everything there was bad. Our ministry was not in vain. God had been faithful to us all these years.

This young man is but one of a few positive stories I could tell regarding our time at the church.

You see…we have a tendency to focus on the negative while missing the forest for the trees. Because of this tendency we can miss the blessings. Each and every one of my closest friends (save for a few) are because of my ministry at that church. Also, the greatest impact for the gospel we’ve ever seen was at that church. Despite the splits, there was a faithful and steady bunch that kept pushing forward. This steady bunch would recruit others to the cause and we’d see more people impacted by the gospel.

It wasn’t all bad. In fact, there were countless blessings along the way.

A while ago I wrote a piece, “Why Good Pastors Quit”. In that article I shared many of my own thoughts and experiences as to why so many people drop out of ministry. I stand by every word I said, but I wanted to add this to it: although many quit, many also cannot. Like myself, many pastors have a burning passion in their heart that won’t allow them to give up. Why is this?

Because the mission is more important than petty comforts.

We have a world that is lost and dying. There is conflict on every corner. There are people who are aimless, stumbling through life. There are people who are overwhelmed with depression feeling as if their life is without any and all purpose. There are others who are embittered by their past experiences. There are some who are filled with hatred due to an unjust world. These are all the works of the Enemy. If we want the world to turn around, then we have to be out there doing the work. We have to show people how they are made in the image of God, display to them the victory of the resurrection, project the love of Christ to them, and be prepared to give unto every man an answer for them hope that is in us. The reality is, as comfortable as life has been since leaving ministry – it’s not where I belong. I know that. Years ago I was given a mission to serve God and give the gospel to every creature. To serve the Lord with every fiber of my being. I can no longer stand on the sidelines – there’s too much at stake. This is why I’m not quitting ministry. People need the Lord and the gospel still works (my own life is a testament to that). If the harvest is truly plenteous, but the laborers are few, then my place belongs in the field – doing the work.

Stay tuned for a big announcement…


[1] Actual names have been redacted for privacy reasons.

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