By Will Hess

I have served in church leadership and pastorship for over a decade now and I have noticed a continual theme: pastors are quitting. I am not talking about those who have been involved in some form of infidelity (because I’ve seen that as well) but I am referring to good, honest, God-fearing pastoral families who are leaving ministry in droves. As someone who has also stepped down from full-time pastoral ministry – I have regularly found myself wondering why this was the case. Many people I knew who had stepped down from ministry were people of whom I had great respect for, personable, loved God, loved people, and were over all fantastic people that would be the benefit of any Christian fellowship. After talking to many of these individuals, I can honestly say, the reason we are losing good pastors is because of bad environments. We have a deeply sick disease at the root of our Western churches and the problem is only getting worse – not better.

Let me explain, for years all I wanted to be was a minister of the Word of God. Serving others, teaching others, and lifting up the Body of Christ. However, once I joined ministry, I experienced so many problems that it is hard to even know where to begin. I had to be a whistle blower on sexual abuse allegations while the lead pastor attempted to cover it up, I also experienced the nastiest forms of church politics, manipulation amongst the people, and saw people striving for power grabs and authority. While this was happening, most people were quick to critique, make accusations, and complain, but even fewer were willing to serve, assist, and build up. I experienced nasty division while my wife’s mother was passing away, and again when we lost two of our pregnancies. Yet, we pressed on. My wife and I continued to serve, but once she got pregnant for the third time, I knew it was time for a change. For the health of my wife and the health of my child.

This was one of the hardest decisions I had ever made because, truthfully, ministry was my life and dream. It is what I always wanted to do, but I also knew that this environment was not healthy for a family. I remember being puzzled, as it was nothing like what I thought ministry would be, and to this day, I do not believe it is what ministry should be. We sell ministry as a job that is focused on the Word of God and serving others for the sake of Christ. The reality is vastly different than the pitch and I think this causes pastors to reconsider their careers. Over the years I have contemplated the issues that ministry families face and thought I would document them here. This will be a different article than what we typically promote here. This one will not be biblically exegetical, nor will it attempt to be academic. This post I am hoping will help non-ministry families realize what their pastors are truly facing, help ministers articulate some of their own thoughts, and perhaps be something that can help steer our churches in the right direction.

NUMBERS DON’T LIE

All someone has to do is take a cursory view of statistics regarding pastors and it’s easy to see that our pastors are not okay. Currently 38% of pastors have considered leaving ministry this past year alone. I also know the vast majority of those who enter pastoral ministry, will not retire as ministers – meaning most of them quit along the way. The statistics are alarming and prove the mental health of our ministers are not in a good place. Frequently stating they are stressed, have no close friends, they were under-prepared at seminary, work absurd hours, and so much more – it’s no wonder 1,500 pastors leave the ministry every month. So why is that? In no particular order I will give various reasons I think ministry is not a viable field for many ministers.

ABSURD EXPECTATIONS

Pastors are often faced with expectations that are impossible for any one man to perform. My personal experience of this still has me laughing from time to time. In my second pastorate I was expected to be the lead pastor, preach three or more times a week, lead the youth group, lead praise and worship, lead a few bible studies, handle upkeep of over 5 acres of land, council people’s marriages, assist with financials, disciple various individuals, put together various curriculum, keep track of all church supplies, help in two remodeling projects at the church at a moment’s notice (and if I was unable to help whenever this gentleman chose to work on his project – I would be accused of being a lazy millennial), and many more. All this while placed in a tiny one-bedroom apartment making poverty level income. Eventually, once the old pastor moved, I moved into the parsonage which we found to be infested with hundreds of bats and falling apart. Apparently, the old administration knew of the infestation, they just didn’t do anything about it. Things spiraled even more out of control as we had to handle 3AM phone calls to help a hurting family, had to deal with sexual abuse within the youth group, substance abuse, and so much more.

Remember, this is just scraping the surface of my particular story and I have actually heard far worse stories than my own. No singular person can be expected to spearhead all these issues at once. Plus, each of these issues typically involves wildly different skill sets. Pastors shouldn’t be expected to be project managers, accountants, counselors, theologians, orators, and anything else you need him to be. A pastor is a man same as you and he has a particular skill set. Typically, that skill set involves counseling, preaching, teaching, and theology. Even amongst pastors, those categories range in strength. Some are better at preaching than they are systematically teaching. Some pastors are horrible speakers but wonderful counselors. A church should never expect their pastor to be the “one man with all the hats”. If a pastor is able to fill other roles and he wants to, that’s awesome! But it should hardly be the expectation.

In fact, I am aware of many churches who won’t hire a pastor unless he is able to play an instrument, sing, or lead worship. Which is frankly unacceptable, we are pastors, not entertainers. If you want a concert, go buy a ticket. If you want builders and architects, go hire one. If you want a CEO, get a job, and go work for a multi-billion-dollar corporation. These are not the roles of a pastor and many people have it entirely backwards. If your pastor is willing and able to do those tasks – great! But that’s not his job. According to Scripture, if a pastor meets the qualifications, he is to be a minister of the Word of God to the flock. That’s it. It’s not an easy job either, but it is what pastors are called to be. 

All this to say, pastors often are buried under unrealistic expectations. They clock in 55-75 hours a week and often don’t get a full day off to be with their family. In fact, those unrealistic expectations often are extended to the family as well. The pastor’s family isn’t to just be present within the ministry, but to be at the beck and call of everyone in the church. This often means pastor’s wives aren’t even able to plan their day with their families without the potential of it being entirely ruined or interrupted. After all, if you don’t live up to the expectations of people, the people will get upset, which will lead to more meetings, angry phone calls, and people leaving the church. One thing ministry taught me was how incredibly immature and fickle people can truly be. Wal-Mart Karens got nothing on Christian Karens and when the customers get upset – it will be hell to pay. (Pun intended)

THE KARENS STRIKE BACK

What most people end up saying here is, “well, if they don’t like the pastor, they can leave!” Which is true, but for pastors this isn’t so simple. If someone leaves the church, it is rarely peaceful. The person who leaves a fellowship often feels they have to validate their decision to leave, so they gossip behind the pastor’s back for months, find anything they can to twist and distort to make the pastor/church appear inadequate, defame his ministry tactics or capabilities, and once all the seeds of dissension have been properly planted and nourished – they will leave. Upon leaving, they will attempt to take as many with them as possible, this is often what is at the root of a church split. Typically, this means when someone leaves, it causes the pastor even more havoc as he is continually inculcated with demands for an explanation as to these people’s exodus and is forced into correcting the record of falsehoods, lies, gossip, and slander. I cannot tell you the number of backwards stories I have heard go through the rumor mill and come out the other side nearly unrecognizable.

Honestly, this is why whenever negative press comes out on any pastor, I am always apprehensive. I know many pastors who have been horrible and abuse their positions, but I also know even more great pastors whose names have been dragged through the mud over disgruntled members. This can get even more difficult for a pastor as sometimes they are privy to information that could save them from the persecution, but often it would mean exposing someone else’s grave sin in order to do so. Thus, many pastors will just take the beating, convinced they’re being a good martyr.  On the flip side, many abusive pastors know this, and will continually claim, “there’s more to it than that, but I am not at liberty to discuss this.” They use this tactic to pull the wool over people’s eyes. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn’t. Due to the complexity of perception, pastors often feel stuck between a rock and a hard place when disgruntled members go on the offensive. Either tell everyone the issue and risk gossiping yourself or come off like a potential abuser who withholds information. It’s a nasty spot to be in.

It’s also worth noting that when this occurs, pastors are forced to spend hours of their weeks stomping out unnecessary fires, all because some random member in the church chose to cause division in their disagreement and instead of leaving peacefully or striving for unity, they attempt one more political stunt to bring havoc onto the church and the pastor.

When those aforementioned unrealistic expectations are not met, busybodies get to work, and cause a pastor a lot of grief. If he’s lucky, the busybody will leave, along with their ilk. If he’s not lucky he could lose his job, livelihood, and home. Remember, for the congregation the church is just the building in which they fellowship. For the pastor, it is often his lifeblood. I have known pastors who have lost their jobs and home due to someone successfully turning a congregation on a pastor. In the end, these people are often too willing to sacrifice the pastor and his family on the altar of their own petty agenda.

This also means that every disgruntled member can become a serious financial threat to the church and the pastor’s family. Consider that if people leave so does their tithe. This means pastors are often faced with a choice of bending the knee to the demands of a mob or standing on their own principles and risk losing funding. Personally, I took a stand for what was biblical, consistent, and true, and this forced me to get a job to sustain myself as a minister – that way I could focus on ministry without financial pressure (one of the best decisions I ever made). However, this isn’t true for all pastors. Some pastors choose to either comply with the increasing demands of the people, or just shape the church’s culture to be as seeker friendly and milquetoast as possible. It’s no wonder so many pastors step down or lose all backbone. They’re people after all, just like you and me, and to continually fight can be exhausting.

Obviously, I do not think this is good. Pastors should have strong backbones and biblical principles and churches should support that. Congregants would do well to not making mountains out of mole hills. Your pastor isn’t perfect, and neither are you – there will be disagreements. This is why God calls us to humility. One of the marks of a truly healthy church is when people can disagree with each other without splitting the place asunder. Pastors, I’d also encourage you to be loving, gracious, and kind at all times, but if someone is causing division – follow Matthew 18:15-20 as fast as possible. Protect your flock and mark those that cause division.

Christian Karens aside, the primary reason pastors don’t want people to leave is because they want to see lives changed for God. Every person that leaves can often feel like a personal failure (and maybe it is) and thus pastors will usually fight to keep people rather than cast them out. Remember, pastors are shepherds, and they want to lead sheep and protect the church from wolves. It can be difficult for a pastor to come to terms that someone within his flock has been a wolf this whole time and it is better they depart than for them to stay.  Thus, he will often work hard to meet with the person, attempt to flesh out any obstacles between them, and try to bring reconciliation. This is because pastors want to see lives changed by Christ and unity to thrive amongst the brethren, it’s typically the driving force behind their call to ministry. (Because it certainly isn’t the money).

In short: church politics suck.

THE POVERTY GOSPEL

All this can leave great pastors emotionally and mentally strained. However, this merely brings us to discuss the financial issues pastors are faced with. Most pastors make precious little money. Most pastors (myself included) make poverty level salaries. Which gets increasingly absurd since churches often expect their pastors to have lofty seminary degrees while paying pennies to the metaphorical dollar. This creates a major imbalance for pastors as they are usually trying to pay off school debt while making barely any money. In all actuality, many pastors I know have had to go on government assistance just to make ends meet.

This gets even worse when it comes to dealing with upset people in the church. Every single person that leaves is also dollars leaving. Should pastors necessarily think this way? Probably not, but it doesn’t change the reality that people leaving the church means funding leaving the church. In other words, every single person that leaves could very well impact a pastor’s ability to put food on their table for their family. Most pastors I know will always choose to do the right thing, despite the financial pressures, but then we wonder why good pastors eventually quit? Probably because they don’t want their income and family’s well-being dependent or controlled by a fickle group of people who aren’t afraid to turn on you in a moment if they don’t get their way. Which is asinine since a church ought to be the hands and feet of Christ, meanwhile pastors often feel alone despite being surrounded by people (but more on that later).  It gets even worse when people actually threaten to leave and take their tithe with them (yes, this has happened to me. No, I did not acquiesce to the man’s request after that stunt).

Even more egregious is pastors are told, “this is the way it’s supposed to be. You shouldn’t be in it for the money! Was Jesus wealthy? Was Paul rich?” Yes, people will shame you just for desiring a living wage. Ironically, I was told this sort of thing continually from a person who was on the hiring committee at my second pastorate who made well over six figures a year.  Meanwhile this same individual would regularly be upset my wife and I didn’t continually host people at our house for dinner – despite them paying their last pastor twice as much. However, we could barely afford our own food, let alone paying multiple families. He chocked up my pay shortage to “a lack of experience” (I was fresh out of seminary but notice the corporate mindset already. Experience = more pay). I was young and naïve at the time, I shouldn’t have agreed to the salary in the first place, but I was sold on the poverty gospel. That I was to be a willing servant of the Lord no matter how little I made or how much it cost. After all, you can’t put a dollar amount on a soul! I still cringe at my naivety at the time.

Now, not all churches can afford to pay their pastor a living wage and keep the lights on. Most pastors understand that and are willing to endure for a while. That’s fine and even admirable. However, I would suggest that if a church is going to have multiple paid staff, their first goal ought always to be to get their pastor a full-time living wage. Take care of your Jerusalem before you worry about the uttermost. So often churches get financially bogged down by trying to get a better production, fancier programs, or perhaps they desire the noble goal of getting involved in missions. Although missions is great work, if the church can’t yet support their pastor on a full-time living wage, then they really shouldn’t be spending hundreds and thousands of dollars a year on missions where pastors are trying to get a full-time living wage. It’s putting the chariot before the horse. Consider, if your pastor is financially stable, he will be in a healthier state of mind and thereby become more effective in his position. Likely this will help create a healthy church which will grow and allow more financial latitude in order to support even more missions, non-profits, other pastoral staff etc.

This is of course only if a church truly desires to have a full-time pastor. However, I highly recommend having a bi-vocational pastor where he is asked to minister the Word of God, have the other logistics covered by the congregation, and have the expectations of availability adjusted accordingly. Paul was a tent maker, Jesus was a carpenter, have our pastors have their own trade as well. This will relieve tons of pressure on the pastors. If a church finds this untenable then they should seek to provide a living wage for their pastors while not making other unnecessarily large financial commitments.

It has been demonstrated that financial pressures can be the top thing that destroys marriages and drives people to depression – then we wonder why so many pastoral families fall apart? Why so many leave the ministry? Well, despite all the pressures in ministry, financial pressure is easily one of the top issues. This is why I, and many others, opted to enter the secular workforce and operate our own personal ministries independently. Think about that for a moment. Good pastors have chosen not to receive a salary at a church and continue to minister independently just to avoid the absolute trainwreck that is church-based financial pressure. Want healthy pastors? Have realistic expectations, don’t let small things get in the way, give your pastor space, and compensate them fairly. If you choose not to pay a pastor at all (as many pastors/churches choose to do), then adjust your expectations accordingly and understand his time will be far more limited.

LIVING IN A FISHBOWL

Pastors and their families are continually living under the microscope of other people’s perceptions. Often this leaves pastors and their families feeling like they are walking on eggshells – even in their own home. Remember those absurd expectations I rambled on about? This is where those expectations become invasive as everyone becomes the critic of you and your family. Your child having a bad day? People will think their pastor is a poor parent. Dealing with a personal family problem? People will think you’re distant and disinterested in the church. Like sci-fi movies? Well, someone at church might find those horrendously evil. Like to watch sports at your favorite bar and grill? Sounds good, unless Miss. Shirley at church doesn’t like the idea of her pastor going to a sports bar. Like to play video games online with your friends from seminary? Well, if brother Ken finds out, he’s going to be upset. Did you go shopping at Target? Well, someone’s going to get mad that you’re supporting a place with a backwards bathroom policy (while they order another package on Amazon). On and on I could go, but you get the picture. Everything you do is often scrutinized. You’re not allowed a personal life. Whatever you enjoy doing privately better stay private, or else you might be in for more church drama.

Consider what message this sends to pastors and their families. “Don’t tell anyone at church we watched Lord of the Rings, went to the movies, went to the beach, went to that restaurant, had a glass of wine, have an Amazon membership etc.” Due to constant scrutiny pastors often live secluded lives at home and have even fewer close friends. What this essentially communicates to pastors is they should live double lives. They should not be open and vulnerable but closed off from the very people they are to be shepherding. Where’s the sense in that? No one wants their job to be that invasive in their personal life. Well, neither do pastors, and this is one of the top complaints I have heard from ex-pastors. They were tired of their personal life always being under scrutiny because of the fickle nitpicking of cantankerous church members.

THE LONESOME ROAD

Now, if you consider everything I’ve discussed up to this point, it should be no surprise to you that many pastors don’t have close friends. In fact, in my first seminary, I was told not to have any close friends within the church I pastored. Why? Because I was to be their shepherd, not their friend. I deeply disagreed with this (and still do), so when I began pastoring, I befriended everyone. I was open and honest at all times – and this backfired hard. When decisions were made these people didn’t like, they were quick to take all our joking, confiding, general conversations, and twist them as weapons for their cause. I remember I was shocked when this happened. I couldn’t imagine Christians being so malicious toward one another (told you I was naïve). The first time this happened I remember thinking to myself, “screw it, I’m not befriending anyone. At this point, pastoring is my job. Nothing more.” I quickly realized how foolish and childish such a thought was and chose to press on. This happened a few more times and I grew increasingly apprehensive of developing any friendships within the church as I really didn’t want to deal with that sort of betrayal again. Originally, I thought my story was unique and I just happened to get the short straw.  That was until I began to talk to other pastors, and they echoed similar sentiments.

This didn’t make ministry any easier though. I didn’t have many close friends. Most my close friends were states away. Honestly, I accepted that I’d likely be mostly alone. I’d call friends and family whenever I really needed to talk to someone, and just continue pastoring my flock. I would bear the burdens of the flock, and my distant relationships would serve to bear my own burdens. Needless to say, this wasn’t healthy, but it was certainly better than dealing with potential drama. As I’ve spoken with and counseled other ministers, I have grown to realize many pastors operate the same way since being open and vulnerable with a group of people can result in people using that against you. Many pastors have no one to confide in if they’re struggling. After all, pastors are supposed to “have it all together” and thus are not allowed mistakes, human error, or struggles. It’s no wonder why so many pastors leave the ministry or fall into living double lives.

In all actuality, churches should strive to have an open and honest relationship with everyone within its walls, the pastor included. The church is instructed to operate in unity and bear one another’s burdens. Unity isn’t possible if people are continually striving to nitpick. Bearing burdens isn’t possible if no one is able to share their burdens. We will never succeed as a church if we continue to ostracize our ministers in hopes that in their isolation, they will remain strong. Pastors are often surrounded by people, but the loneliest person in the room. Everyone comes to him for their problems, but he has no one to confide in about his own burdens. After all, last time he did, someone condemned him for it, ran around, and used it as political leverage. I am not referring to grave immoral sin here either, I’m talking about standard struggles or even how he operates his own home on a day-to-day basis. Yes, even the daily operations of his home could come under fire because someone thinks he’s “too strict” while another person will accuse him of being “too loose”. It’s an impossible tightrope for many pastors to walk, so they just choose to distance themselves from the flock. Keeping their personal lives practically a secret.

CORPORATE CHURCH

A lot of these issues stem from the culture by which we have cultivated the church. Many of us go “church shopping” and enter churches wondering what the church can do for us and not what we can do for the church. This is because the Western world is extremely consumer and individualistically minded, and not communal. What can often happen is a new family comes into the church and begins to attend for a few months. The pastor has gotten to know them, maybe had them over for dinner, and invested into them. However, a while later these people leave because they feel the church doesn’t meet their needs.

I remember this happened with one family. We had gotten to know them over the course of a year, had dinner with them, went to movies with them, and even connected with their kids. Eventually this family left the church, why? Because they didn’t feel “connected” in the church. This same family would show up to service notoriously late and leave as soon as service was over. It was no wonder they weren’t connected to anyone in the church – they were never there. Want to get connected in the church? Get to know people within the church. Show up early and fellowship. Find ways you can serve in the church. To expect to barely show up, warm a pew, leave, and somehow have a rich connection is just unrealistic.

Situations like this can cause pastors or churches to stop viewing church members as Christian brothers/sisters but instead to begin viewing them as customers. After all, these people seem to only want to consume, not serve. They seem only interested in the self, and not others. Plus, if they leave, the church will lose funding, the pastor might lose his salary, a missionary might have to be dropped, and on and on the list could go. Thus, churches start aiming everything on Sunday morning to be a performance of sorts where they do everything they can to be as seeker friendly as possible. Does it tend to create shallow followers? Yes. But does it ensure the business model operates well and the customers stay happy? Absolutely.

This places undue pressure on pastors as they attempt to lead the church in the ways of God. Either they can gear things to be seeker friendly and compromise their principles, or they can stick to their principles, but many might protest that it’s not “inclusive” enough. This is the problem with corporate church -we’ve made pastorship a career and the congregation his customers. These customers will spend money there or take it on down the road where they can get a product that better suits them. It’s a relentless and unnecessary pressure all because we treat church like a business. The church should be a fellowship, the office of the pastor something to be respected, and the service should be used to encourage and equip the brethren. In short, the church ought to be a living and breathing organism. The goal should be to grow people spiritually, not necessarily numerically. It ought to be community minded, not individualistically focused. The church isn’t a business, it is the Body of Christ. A fellowship of believers.

In fact, I would personally encourage pastors to become bi-vocational if they can or in the very least have a skill that can effectively be used in the secular work force (after all, even Paul was a tent maker). This removes a lot of the aforementioned financial pressures, allowing the pastor financial freedom and it also pushes the church a little further away from a corporate model. However, if your pastor does serve in the workforce, then a church must adjust their expectations for a pastor. If he is juggling two jobs – then it will mean he’s going to have less time to do miscellaneous duties and will have to focus on the main parts of being a pastor. If you do choose to pay your pastor full-time then still be sure to curb expectations and not to create a corporate atmosphere where you’re the paying customer, he’s the CEO, and the church is the business. That is about as toxic as it is stupid and just creates numerous problems in a church.

BURNOUT

Needless to say, this can cause pastors and their families to experience exhaustion in the pastorate where they feel they are perpetually navigating a mine field. When I talk to pastors/missionaries I have repeatedly heard that they feel they are continually pouring out and very few people pour back. This isn’t because these people are weak or desire pity, it’s just spiritual physics. If you live to only serve others and never receive any form of appreciation, only demands, you will continually drain yourself. In short, ministers need to be ministered to as well. Sometimes this could involve a card, a gift, or just being willing to serve in the ministry. Sadly, most people prefer to attend than to serve, and this can be a serious discouragement to a pastor. If not discouraging, it can certainly be exhausting.

Think about it for a moment. A pastor is preaching multiple times a week, leads worship, has discipleship meetings, counsels people, hosts activities, studies, visits people in need, is filling in for three different ministries, and for weeks he has been announcing that they need someone willing to help in nursery. Weeks turn into months as he continues to announce that their nursery workers need help – all he ever receives is an awkward silence. For months he has been serving everyone beyond his expected duties, and he can’t even get someone to volunteer to go on a nursery rotation. This sort of thing is disheartening to a pastor because as he, and a select few people, continue to serve the congregation…the congregation never wants to serve in return. This can cause a number of problems: resentment toward the congregation, cliques amongst the leadership, the same people running things for years and eventually never wanting to give up their seat, and even complacency as people fall into routine. This list could be endless, but you get the point.

This pastor would obviously be struggling to keep his head above water. Let’s take the same pastor and say that on Sunday morning, right before he preaches, some lady in the church complains about a lack of family activities being done at the church. He acknowledges that he would like to create more opportunities for fellowship activities across all age groups and asks if she would be willing to organize such a thing. She responds with, “well, I’m super busy. I’m not looking to lead this thing, just thought it would be a good idea.” In a moment of transparency, the pastor responds, “well, if you’re not willing to lead it, I don’t think anyone’s going to. Most everyone else is stretched thin as it is.” Now, this Christian Karen gets upset and starts gossiping to everyone that pastor doesn’t care about fellowship, because if he did, he would do what she suggested.

The pastor goes up to the pulpit and preaches on Romans 9, ends service in a song, lifts up a final prayer, steps down from the platform and suddenly a man walks up to him and says, “I disagree with your take on that passage.” The man proceeds to tell him how theologically wrong the pastor is on this topic and others. The pastor asks if the man has read on the topic and studied it deeply. The man scoffs and says, “I don’t read them theology books. I just read the Bible for what it says!”. The pastor finds the statement amusing yet annoying as the pastor understands they both read the word but doesn’t mean you’re interpreting it properly. However, the pastor chooses to just graciously hear the man out and finally is cut loose from the awkward conversation. Suddenly he’s grabbed by someone else who informs him that Jane, an elderly woman in the church, lost her temper on Amanda again in the kitchen. The pastor begins to hurry over to see what the matter was, but not before he is grabbed by Richard who tells him “your sermons are good, but I really wish you’d slow down from time to time it’s hard to keep up with you!” Pastor acknowledges he could slow down and continues to walk quickly, trying to find Jane or Amanda. The words, “Hey Pastor!” ring across the hall, “These are my parents in from out of town! They were so excited to be here today.” He exchanges pleasantries with them and wishes them the best. He continues his search just to find out both women had left.

He goes home and attempts to call both of them. He gets in touch with Amanda, and she explains the situation. He knew that Jane could be territorial about the church kitchen and that it has been her baby for 36 years. With a deep breath he calls Jane. No answer. He gets a text from a church member telling him that Jane is calling people telling them her “new rules” for the kitchen. He tries to call her again. She picks up and lets her explain herself. After an hour conversation with her he gets her to calm down and things return to normal. He looks at the time and realizes he has to lead youth group in an hour. He rushes out and the night continues as normal. (As normal as youth group can possibly be that is)

As insane as this picture I’ve painted seems, this is a pretty normal occurrence for pastors. They are continually running to the next thing and stomping out fires all while people critique, engage in small talk, and complain about varying subjects. This can be exhausting mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I know personally, the burnout was the #1 thing that was wearing me down. Honestly, I can handle complainers, entitled Karens, and people’s subjective judgment. What I couldn’t handle was running around so much I’d rarely see my family. I chose to make a change. I got a career, built my own ministry from home, got involved in a friend’s church, became an Elder there, and I have found I am far more effective in ministry now than I ever have been. Why? Because all the aforementioned baggage I no longer have to endure. I have freedom I’ve never had and can personally invest into people’s lives directly. I can teach that which I believe to be biblical without having to question whether or not my job will be sustainable. Oddly enough, the removal of my pastoral salary was the thing that gave me the most ministerial freedom.

HOW TO KEEP GOOD PASTORS

I’m not saying that pastors would be better off quitting nor am I saying this describes every church. To make such a claim would be foolish. There are many healthy churches out there and many pastors in great positions. I am blessed to be in such a church. My goal here is to shine some light on the issues pastors are facing on a day-to-day basis and why so many leave. If this did describe your church, be part of the change.

However, I would be remiss if I didn’t follow through with some solutions to the problems. After all, I am known in my house to say, “don’t raise a complaint if you can’t raise a solution.” Honestly, as monumental as these problems are, they’re really more of a snowball effect with only a few issues at their core and it would really help absolve these issues completely.

1. Become a community: This is a nearly foreign concept in our Western world because we are so individually focused. If each individual shifted their focus on others within the community this would create less selfishness and thereby less self-centered ideals being pushed in the church. This would ideally result in less hurt people in the church in general (congregants and pastors alike). When one reads Acts, we see the early followers fellowshipping and breaking bread with one another, sharing their property etc. Why? Not because they were socialists (sorry progressives) but because they were a community who loved and cared for one another. This means putting others ahead of our egos.
2. Unity in Diversity: Remember that not everyone is going to agree on everything. If unity were conformity, then we wouldn’t see disagreements amongst apostles in the early church. But we do. Thus, it cannot be true. Rather, remembering unity in one Lord, one Spirit, one God, and one mission ought to be enough for believers to not despise one another, but rather to love one another. Allow for diverse opinions and even for leadership to make decisions that you might disagree with. Do not make mountains out of mole hills.
3. Remove Animosity: if you’re angry at someone in your church, go talk with them or learn to let it go. Animosity only breeds bitterness and resentment, things that hurt churches and yourself. You’re going to have to live with each other in heaven, so you may as well start practicing here on earth. A mark of a mature Christian is someone who can address each situation as it comes without constantly living in the past. There have been plenty of people in churches I have disagreed with, some that even frustrate or annoy me, but in the end they’re my brother or sister in Christ – show them love and respect.
4. Promote Mental Toughness: If you’re going to disagree with people in the church (and trust me you will) you better be able to have the mental fortitude to deal with that. The church gets nowhere with weak minded and strongly opinionated people. In Paul’s day he’s walking around a place like Corinth and dealing with a believer who is sleeping with his mother-in-law. Yet, nowadays, Christians can barely handle a mild disagreement or someone dropping a four-letter word. In short: toughen up. We are the Kingdom of God and sometimes we allow ourselves to be far too mentally fragile.
5. Serve in your church: Rather than criticizing everything in the church, how about you help in the church? Want change? Help foster it by carrying the burden of service. No one wants to work with someone who does nothing but has the nerve to complain about everything.
6. Don’t sweat the small stuff: At some point in your life, you need to figure out your “non-negotiables” in a church and then stick to those. If your non-negotiables are shallow surface level items – you should deeply reconsider your thoughts. Try keeping them simple: Do they preach the good news of Christ? Do they believe in the divinity of Christ? What’s their position on Scripture? How do they promote a Spirit of Christ within the church? It’s okay to attend a church where you don’t agree on everything. Just be sure that you know what you will not negotiate on – and honestly that list should be pretty short and kept to the essentials of the Christian faith.
7. Be humble: The biggest issue in all of these things is pride. If you’re attacking the church or its people, you really need to slow down and consider if it’s truly worth it? I’ve known people who will never walk into a church again because of the division some Christians were sowing. Put your pride and ego aside and learn to work together and never attack another believer or his family over a trivial disagreement.
8. Think of your church as an extension of Christ: Do not view it as an extension of yourself, your preferences, your agenda, or your own passions. If you cause division, ask yourself if it’s worth taking a hammer to the Body of Christ? One must seriously consider the repercussions. If Christ died for the church, then consider that every move you make could cause damage to the church for which Christ died.
9. Mind your business: Let’s be honest – sometimes we need to keep our thoughts and opinions to ourselves. As someone who is highly opinionated and speaks regularly in his public ministry, I try to speak less about every single waking opinion I might have at church regarding matters that don’t concern me. It saves me a lot of headache and also is a way to promote unity. If you get involved do so in a way that is seeking to build up, exhort, and bear one another’s burdens. Not in a way to drive your own agenda forward. And speaking of business – stop thinking of it like a business where it’s a product and you are the customer. No. This is Christ’s church, and you are a member of it. Don’t get it twisted.
10. Take care of your Jerusalem: Whether you like it or not, the church you’re at is your church. These are your people. This is your Jerusalem. Take care of it. Support your church’s ministry, including your pastor. You won’t always agree and that is just fine. In fact, your maturity will shine through when you support him even when you disagree. Financially prioritize your Jerusalem and you might just see enough growth to care for the uttermost parts of the world. If a church cannot (or chooses not to) financially support their pastor – then adjust expectations accordingly. Don’t expect full time work if he is not a full-time employee. If he is full time and your church has prioritized that, then be sure to still keep healthy expectations. After all, he’s a pastor, not your hireling. You do not own him. Often times Israel failed because they became divided amongst each other, became entitled, stirred up division, and did not properly prioritize. Do not follow their pattern – prioritize Jerusalem.

Introduction

            Last year I wrote an article about the “2020 Witch Trials” and the issues that came from it. Today I want to lean into that theme a little bit more and get to the spiritual and intellectual underpinnings of what allowed the 2020 dumpster fire to even take place. The same infection we saw rear its ugly head in 2020 has been festering for years and has even seeped into our churches. If anyone is familiar with our work at The Church Split, we seek to promote unity in diversity but still being unapologetically Christian and Biblical in all things – and this means we sometimes must challenge the status quo and sacrifice some sacred cows. This also means we risk offending an ever-polarizing culture, but this does not mean we ought to lose boldness in the biblical truths of the faith. So let’s talk about the cancer that is Victimhood Culture and how it is entirely antithetical to the gospel message.

            It is also important to note that my entire family has experienced trauma, abuse, and hurt. My brother tells his own story here, my sister discusses hers here, my father shares his here, and I share a little bit of it in a sermon of like-name here. Know that this is not coming from someone who has no idea what he is talking about – quite the opposite. I know all too well the dangers of Victim Culture and how it entices. In fact, during the most miserable years of my own life I bought into the narrative. I behaved however I wanted to and justified it with, “well they don’t know what I’ve been through.” It was not until later I realized that I was using my victimhood to justify not taking responsibility for my actions – which was ironic since most of the pain in my life was due to others not taking responsibility for their own actions.

            With that being said, I am also aware that we have all experienced different levels of pain and suffering. Some far worse than others. This article is not intended to minimize those experiences, but rather to maximize the saving power of God. To put our suffering within proper framing. Because to be honest, I grow tired of the Victimhood Culture. It has allowed for even more pain and hurt to take place and has split families, churches, and is currently tearing our own country in half. There is only one true response to it: The Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Let’s define our terms: What is Victim Culture?

            The concept can be allusive and difficult to define. I think Victim Culture is best exemplified by the “micro-aggression” and “safe space” subculture we see cropping up around America. Where people have to tread carefully or reap the consequences. This is not to say that victims and Victimhood Culture are one in the same. They most certainly are not. Victims and non-victims alike associate with Victim Culture and the same could be said about those who do not associate with such.

            Victimhood Culture tends to take victims, affirm their victimhood, and then continue to keep them as victims. Perpetuating an obsession with their trauma to the point where the victim is unable to move on. It does not allow victims to become victors, instead it keeps them down in an oppression only held back by the confines of their own minds. It makes people believe a lie that they have been destroyed by an unfair world, and now the world must either suffer for it, or that the world owes them for the evil suffered upon them.

            Which is interesting because it takes victimhood and gives it power. Those who are now victims can get away with not taking responsibility in their own life. They don’t have to apply themselves to work because “if only others understood what I’ve been through.” Or “I don’t treat my family perfectly but I’m not half as bad as my father was.” Or “I might lose it from time to time, but after everything I’ve experienced, what do people expect?” – and thus the seeds of Victimhood Culture are planted. It encourages people to not be emotionally, ethically, or morally accountable to others because of misdeeds experienced by others. Which is ironically its own form of abuse.

            It is this very Victimhood Culture that gives permission for riots, burnings, attacks, and hate crimes. Because why? Apparently one unjust or questionable action means the entire world must suffer for it. Therefore, we punish the masses for the actions of the individual. When confronted, naturally people deflect to the hurts and sufferings they have experienced and demand that others pay the price for their own misdeeds. If nothing else, they request not to be lectured or corrected in their behavior due to the immorality they have personally suffered.

This mentality is in complete juxtaposition to the gospel of Christ.

What is the Gospel?

Romans 10:8-13:

But what does it say? “The word is near you, in your mouth and in your heart” (that is, the word of faith that we proclaim); because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved. For the Scripture says, “Everyone who believes in him will not be put to shame.” For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek; for the same Lord is Lord of all, bestowing his riches on all who call on him. For “everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”

            The gospel is for everyone who calls upon the name of the Lord. The Gospel is the promise of God unto salvation. It is the redemptive work of Christ. This gospel is for all people and without partiality.

            What the gospel does though is it gives us a hope and a morality. It tells us we are sinners and under condemnation, but God is good and paid a ransom for our sins (morality.) This shows that God prefers mercy over wrath. It reveals through God’s law that there is a right and a wrong, that there is a righteous judge, and also a merciful Father. The Gospel also tells us that we are valuable enough for Christ to die. It gives us a yearning of a Healer and someone who can make all things new (hope.) Therefore, the Gospel is able to show us what is right and what is wrong and gives us an eternal hope for something greater than ourselves.

            However, Victimhood Culture speaks directly against this. It preaches that the only person who deserves condemnation is the abuser. That their sin is far worse and unredeemable than your own (a skewed morality.) It also teaches that victims are damaged goods. Broken. Unable to pull yourself up from the ashes of brokenness (no hope, just self-pity.) Which begs the question: how is one to ever get past their PTSD, hurt, and suffering with such a message? In addition, it also teaches that the abuser is beyond salvation, redemption, or repentance. That they deserve to rot in hell, and they belong in prison for the rest of their life, and perhaps, even the death penalty (no hope, just condemnation) Which raises the next question: how is one to ever want to change the depravity of their behavior with such an awful message? The gospel speaks directly against this and gives hope to all parties. After all, what is the point of counseling if not for mending? What is the general point of prison and AA if not for reform? What is the point of the gospel if not for healing?

(Now, I am not excusing abusers, of course abuse is horrific and not to be excused. I am also not saying one should not pursue justice.)

In Scripture, it is clear that we ought not to blame others

Genesis 3:11-12:

He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten of the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?” The man said, “The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate.”

            Everyone is familiar with this story. The moment Adam is confronted about their sin, he blames Eve and attempts to excuse himself from any and all responsibility. Was it true that Eve gave it to him? Yes. But could Adam had done otherwise? Yes. Let me encourage you not to fall into the tempting trap of blaming someone else for an action that was within your own control whether you were a victim or not. (Adam, certainly wasn’t a victim here, but I hope you get the analogy.)

            The Gospel is truly counter-intuitive because it goes against our nature to be vengeful and hateful to those who have hurt us. It’s easier to say, “I hate you and never want to see you again!” rather than “Father forgive them for they know not what they do.” It is much harder to look a repentant abuser in the eyes and say, “I forgive you and I love you as a creation of God” than it is to say, “I hate everything that you are.” In the end, it will always be easier to hate your enemies than to love them:

Matthew 5:43-48:

You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

            The Gospel teaches us that though the scars remain, we can move on. That God is big enough and that God’s grace is sufficient. I want to make note, “forgive and forget” is not in Scripture. To say such a mantra is to be both foolish and naïve. However, this does not mean you ought to be bitter either. Forgiveness takes place when we let go of the debt someone owes us, but reconciliation (to bring back together) is only made possible through the act of repentance. Thus, Christians should always forgive, but reconciliation might not ever take place because many times – people are not repentant. We tend to be stubborn, prideful, and arrogant. Especially when we buy into an entitled narrative that allows us to hurt others around us. Why is it you think that many abusers have been abused? They bought the same narrative and used the evil done to them to excuse doing evil to others.

 Dangers of Victim Culture

            Whether people want to admit it or not, there are real dangers to this phenomenon we see permeating in our culture which I suspect is a pendulum swing from people not taking victims seriously at all for many years. Regardless, extremes tend to land people in ditches on either side of the road. One of the many dangers it creates is the danger of never moving on. Having people relive and dwell on their trauma or oppression rather than looking ahead to hope. Moreover, it also gives people power over others. Recently someone said to me, “I’m at least glad that the power dynamics have flipped.” – but this should never be the goal. If you are seeking power in your victimhood, you are seeking the very thing the abusers were – power and unquestionable authority. The goal should never be power, but truth, righteousness, and goodness.

            Nowadays, we have made being a victim a status of which to achieve. This is what allows for false accusations and spoofs like what happened with Jussie Smollett which makes a mockery of true oppression. In fact, while working in youth groups, I continually hear about every single possible disorder the young person thinks they have. Why? Because we have made being a victim not just something to be proud of, but something to be desired. What we are allowing in our churches and our culture at large allows for people to continually make up new ways of which they are oppressed, which only adds to the intersectionality mess that we have today.

“When victimhood becomes currency, expect there to be counterfeits.”

Michael Knowles

2 Corinthians 6:11-13:

We put no obstacle in anyone’s way, so that no fault may be found with our ministry,but as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: by great endurance, in afflictions, hardships, calamities, beatings, imprisonments, riots, labors, sleepless nights, hunger; by purity, knowledge, patience, kindness, the Holy Spirit, genuine love; by truthful speech, and the power of God; with the weapons of righteousness for the right hand and for the left; through honor and dishonor, through slander and praise. We are treated as impostors, and yet are true; as unknown, and yet well known; as dying, and behold, we live; as punished, and yet not killed; as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, yet possessing everything.

We have spoken freely to you, Corinthians; our heart is wide open.You are not restricted by us, but you are restricted in your own affections.In return (I speak as to children) widen your hearts also.

            Notice how Paul expects there to be afflictions, suffering, and oppression. What’s funny is this passage seems to indicate that the Corinthians were playing the victim, and due to Paul’s rebuke, they seemed to believe he was restricting them. When in fact, Paul points out that it is their own affections that are restricting them, and make no mistake, pride can blind the abused as much as it can blind the abuser.

Bible vs. Victim Culture

            Make no mistake, we have created a new class of people in our culture: the unquestionable victims. As someone who has experienced abuse myself, I find this train of thought to be deeply troubling. Firstly, we Christians are not to show partiality (James 2:1-7) to any group of people. Secondly, it demands that people like me are treated differently. As though we are weak, feeble, and unable to carry on and rise above our experiences. It’s both unhealthy to victims, and extremely condescending.

            We also know that Jesus says, that if we do not forgive one another, He will not forgive us. We are also told that if someone is overtaken in a fault, we ought to seek to restore them, not instantly cast them out (Gal. 6:1-5) but notice that it is the spiritual. The elder. Those who are less likely to be pulled into temptation. But remember, if the person is repentant, we ought to forgive them. Again, this does not mean justice is never pursued – we also have a responsibility as good citizens in submission to the authorities of the land.

Luke 17:3-4

Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”

            This is wildly unpopular today, and especially within the victim culture where we tell people they are entitled to their bitterness, but the Gospel promises that restoration is possible, and that people truly can change.

            It is also important that we recognize in life that suffering is to be expected. This doesn’t excuse needless suffering by the hands of others, but it is something to be expected. However, through the power of the Gospel and Jesus Christ, after all the suffering Paul endured – he said this:

2 Corinthians 4:7-10:

 But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies.

This is an affirmation of the power of the Gospel.

Philippians 1:12-14:

I want you to know, brothers, that what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel, so that it has become known throughout the whole imperial guard and to all the rest that my imprisonment is for Christ. And most of the brothers, having become confident in the Lord by my imprisonment, are much more bold to speak the word without fear.

This is an affirmation that our suffering can be used to display the Gospel.

Philippians 3:13-14:

Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

This is a reminder that we ought to put our past behind us and strain forward to what lies ahead. Paul is clearly indicating that this is not easy, but our goal must be Jesus Christ.

Romans 8:17:

and if children, heirs also, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him so that we may also be glorified with Him.

If we suffer in Christ, then we shall be glorified with Him. This is a reminder that our suffering is temporal, but the Gospel is eternal.

Romans 5:3-5:

Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

            Many people have asked me in my life if I would change the suffering I have endured. I have given much thought about the various levels of trauma I’ve experienced and can say today, with utter confidence, that I would not change a thing. My life has often felt like a 30-year uphill fight with abuse, oppression, and trauma behind every turn. It is those very things that produced endurance in my spirit, character in my heart, and a hope in Christ Jesus.

1 Peter 5:10:

 And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.

            Let me say with absolute surety that the only hope of truly overcoming one’s suffering is to look to the suffering of Christ. It is only through a relationship with God, having faith and trust in Him, will you see your heart mend. He is the true and loving Father, He is the one who created you, and He is the one who loved you enough to sacrifice His own Son to pay a ransom for you. In fact, it is by the scars of Christ that your scars are healed.

            Christians, I implore you to not fall prey to the enticing seduction of the victim culture today. No number of reparations, public apologies, medications, or affirmations will fully heal our broken souls – it is only through the gospel of Jesus Christ can one’s heart be truly whole.

How to Overcome Victimhood Mentality

            You must first recognize its benefits. Yes, I said benefits. Because in victimhood mentality you get to avoid responsibility by blaming your life’s position on someone else’s actions. Instead of saying “I have no control on how I got here, but I can control where I go from here.” Victimhood culture says, “you have no control on how you got here, and you have nowhere to go.” It also gives you attention and validation, rather than exhortation and rebuke that we so often need to build ourselves up. The other benefit it gives you is risk avoidance. You don’t have to worry about failure if you never try. Thus, you get to avoid the risk of failure and continue to blame it on your oppressor. Which sadly means we are allowing the abusers to defeat us. I cannot speak for you reader, but I prefer to be a victor, not a victim. I refuse to be defined by my pain, but rather to be defined by Jesus Christ – as an image bearer of God.

            This means you must be secure in your identity in Christ and be okay with not identifying yourself as a victim. The more you identify as a victim, the more you will remain one. However, the more you identify as a Child of God the more you will experience a spiritual resurrection, and as Christ forgave us, you will rise above and forgive others. Your hurt will finally meet the healer.

            So, take responsibility for what you can. You cannot control the evils that have happened to you, but you sure can control where you go from here. I encourage you to forgive and let go of your past hurts, agree with God with what sin is, seek to correct your own sin, and then choose to strain toward the mark of Christ.

“Pain is God’s megaphone to rouse a deaf world. You see, we are like blocks of stone out of which the Sculptor carves the forms of men. The blows of his chisel, which hurt us so much are what make us perfect.”

C.S. Lewis

By Will Hess

“You bought all your philosophies and carved out your philanthropy, it didn’t take you much to do your part. But you closed off opportunity with narrow cold hypocrisy, and in the end you traded petty comforts for your heart.”  

The words to The Classic Crime’s song Spare Time blared from my speakers as I drove home from work. The Classic Crime is a small indie band that I was introduced to by a friend of mine in small group a while back and they quickly became my favorite music artist (it was the same friend that did all the branding for The Church Split. Check him out here) Although most of the time their songs are accompanied by myself with car karaoke, this time it was met with silence. These words echoed in my heart in an accusatory fashion – reminding me of my life’s calling. 

A few months ago the vice president of my seminary announced their church was in need of a Youth Director. Those who have read my last post would know that three years ago, I stepped down from full-time ministry after a number of difficulties to focus on my family. For those of you who do not know, I have sent in my resume multiple times over the last three years to varying churches in my area and abroad. Either I would never hear back, or after a phone interview I’d quickly be vetted out of their processes. This is likely due to me being in a Christian Reformed area and my not being Reformed. In fact, many of my beliefs are not in vogue with the rest of Protestantism, Evangelicalism, and definitely not Progressivism – leaving me a bit homeless. Thus, I had sort of gotten used to sending in my resume out of mild curiosity, but being rejected for one reason or another. So like many times before, I sent in my resume expecting not to hear back. Oddly enough, I was sort of okay with this arrangement. After all, if no one hired me then I didn’t have to make the decision of leaving my current comfortable lifestyle. 

Ministry had not been easy on my wife and I – emotionally, spiritually, or financially. It was hard. When I stepped down from ministry I had prayed God would provide me a job that would allow me to support my family and my wife to stay home with our little girl. God did that by providing me a job in auto finance. Learning this new trade was one of the hardest things I had ever done in my life, but I did it and we were making a great living! The world began to feel like it was opening up to a whole new level of financial opportunity. A beautiful house? A nice car? Fantastic retirement? Swanky vacations? All these things were easily becoming mine on the path I was currently on. It was comfortable. It was convenient.

However, I still had a strong pull toward ministry. I satiated this pull by recording episodes of The Church Split, serving as an Elder in my church, teaching theology in Bible Hour, and discipling a few young men. Yet, every time I went to the office I kept thinking, “I have scored the opportunity of a lifetime, yet why does it feel so empty?” As much as this bothered me, I often shook it off and pressed on. I had a family to provide for and deals to work. Plus, since no church seemed to want me – it seemed the decision was already made. My time in ministry was over. It’s okay, it was a good run and we had many fond memories. 

[Frontline Bible Church’s Elderboard 2022]

Or at least…that’s what I’d tell myself…  

The reality was, although I was making a good living, I wasn’t living in my life’s call. I knew that. I just didn’t know how to correct it. I even began considering doing a church plant, but timing never seemed to line up correctly. I was in a strange limbo. I was financially comfortable, but spiritually unfulfilled. 

Soon after receiving my resume this church contacted me regarding their Youth Director position. Chris (their NextGen Director) scheduled a phone call. We seemed to hit it off well…really well. It was the most personable and authentic conversation I had ever had with a church. This shocked me and made me extremely interested, but I was also tentative. This church was six hours away from my home and the idea of moving was a bit daunting. Life was comfortable where I was at and I didn’t want to give it all up on a whim. 

What took place next was a bit wild. Since I didn’t have the church job lined up (nor did I know if I would take it) I continued to work on my career in auto finance and landed a job at one of the most prestigious dealerships in the state of Michigan – needless to say things were going very well. At the same time I accepted this position, Chris called me and asked me to come down for an interview. I chose to go down, but now I was even more conflicted. I just scored one of the most desired jobs in the auto industry in the entire state, and here I was, considering leaving that all behind – for what? Ministry? Clearly I must be insane.

When we arrived we hit it off with the team and it quickly revealed itself to me that this church was different from others. The church, the people, all of them truly did seem to share in a common goal and had a passion for the gospel, their city, and reaching hearts for Jesus Christ. I had dinner with the team, survived a questionnaire, taught a class, hung out with the youth group, and overall had a great time. On our way back my heart was more conflicted than it was previously. What this church had was special, but so was the new job I just landed. Would I really consider leaving the keys to the golden kingdom to work with students? Again, I asked myself, “am I insane?” 

When we went down, Cali brought our friend Tabby (our former editor) with her to keep her company while I was gallivanting around with the church’s team. Tabby had been one of the students under our former ministry and as she grew up she quickly became one of our best friends. Everywhere we went, she often tagged along. As Cali and I discussed the opportunity on our way back home, Tabby interjected with all her usual enthusiasm, “I think you guys are the perfect fit for the church. If they offer you the job you should take it!”  Part of me knew she was right, but there was a major problem – the salary was too low to support my family. This left me even more conflicted. It seemed everything was a perfect fit for me, but the numbers were too far away. 

Eventually they offered me the job and I asked if they could give me time to think about it to which they obliged. Since I knew the numbers were too far away, I began to make phone calls to every connection I had in the area (my seminary is in the same city and often partnered with the church). My goal was to see if they, or one of their connections, could get me part-time work to make the numbers come together. Try as I might, nothing seemed to be working. That Monday I resolved to call Chris and tell him that the numbers were too far away, and despite my best efforts, I would have to turn down the position. I was a little disappointed as it seemed everything about the position was perfect for me and my family. I told myself, “well, if God wanted me to do this, then He would provide a way. Currently He hasn’t, so I guess I’ll continue to work here!” Although I was a little disappointed, I was also relieved to a degree as it means I got to stay in the golden kingdom. After all, life wasn’t all bad right? I was making money, we were comfortable, and I could still minister in my spare time. 

Then I received it. The text message from Chris asking if I could meet with him and another staff member that Thursday to “go over some things”. I agreed. I figured this would give me the opportunity to perhaps turn down the position face to face, unless by some miracle someone was able to bring more money into this equation. After all, the church hadn’t even hit my minimum number yet. 

Boy…does God have a sense of humor…

That Thursday they called me and mentioned a few other areas the church needed help with. They then offered me to help fill those voids – offering me more money to do it. How much money? The exact minimum I needed. I sometimes wonder what my face looked like when they told me the news. I was blown away and I knew I was going to have to make a decision. A real decision. I couldn’t say I was rejected nor could I blame the numbers. Never have things ever felt more real than in that moment. They told me I had a week to make the decision (perfectly reasonable) and I got off the phone. In slight shock I looked at Cali, and asked, “penny for your thoughts?”

Her face was gentle, her eyes forward, and in the most peaceful tone she responded:

“I know it sounds crazy…but I think we should do it.”

I’ll be honest, I was shocked. Cali hates anything that disrupts her peace and few things disturb the peace like moving to another state. On top of that, ministry was extremely hard on our family originally – yet here she was – at perfect peace about this decision. I knew at that moment what we were supposed to do. God was calling us to a new home and a new ministry. Because the reality is, the moment I talked to Chris months before I knew where God wanted me – he wanted me at One Life Church in Evansville Indiana. 

The reality is, although I knew it was the right decision, it didn’t make it an easy decision. I decided to think about it over the weekend and let them know the following week. I kept asking myself, “am I crazy?” After all, financially we would be cutting our income in half, we would be moving to another state when the economy is less than ideal, and I’d have to leave my family and friends. 

That Sunday Cali and I sat down to discuss it. We made a list of pros and cons, discussed what each decision involved, and then we wrote down two fateful questions:

1. What has been our life goal? 
2. Which decision brings us closer to that goal? 

The answers to these questions were simple. Our goal in life has always been to make the greatest impact for the Kingdom as possible, and it was clearly this opportunity that brought us closer to that decision. With that said, we looked at each other and I asked, “so does this mean we’re going to Indiana?” 

Cali responded the same as before – with calm sincerity. “It looks to be that way.” Finally, the decision was made and I felt at peace, the peace you have only when you know you’re taking a step in the right direction. Suddenly instead of nerves and unease, I felt excitement and a thrill for the next chapter of life. 

Now back to the car karaoke. The day before Cali and I sat down to have this conversation, I was on my way back home from work and Spare Time came up through my Spotify DJ playlist. It was random. It was not by design. Yet, of all songs this algorithm chose, it picked that one. Suddenly the song I used to love for its depth of meaning felt far more personal as the second verse came on, “In the end, you traded petty comforts for your heart”. I didn’t want this to be me. I didn’t want to sacrifice my passion for comfort. I didn’t want to trade my calling for materialism. I belonged in the fight. I knew that, and it was time I faced the music (pun intended). 

At the end of my life what will I have achieved? This is the question that kept returning to mind. I didn’t want to just say, “well…I made a great living and had many great things”. Materialism doesn’t satisfy the soul nor does it last forever. One day all those things will pass away, but it will be what we do for the Kingdom of God that matters. It’s not about living in the now but living in the not yet. In reality, the words I want to say at the end of my life are, “I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith”. I knew I wouldn’t be able to say that if I wasn’t fulfilling the calling God placed on my life. If you know what God wants from you, and you’re not doing it, then you don’t have spare time. Each moment is a moment wasted.

Life isn’t about trinkets, nor is it about comfort – none of those things can give you purpose, none of those things can bring you fulfillment. It’s funny how we all innately know this, but few of us live it out. It’s human nature to seek the path of least resistance. We love easy. We love simple. We love comfortable. However, it seems whenever we pursue such things our lives either become a mess or meaningless. Jesus never promised our lives would be comfortable, only that our eternity would be peaceful. We rarely thrive in environments that don’t challenge us and some of us have been sitting on the sidelines for far too long and need to get back into the game.

God’s not done with you yet, and if you have a calling on your life, then go fulfill it. Whatever passion God has given you, pursue it with everything in you and watch God work. Don’t focus on materialism, your wealth, or your comfort. That’s not what matters nearly as much as you following God’s call on your life. 

My call has always been to serve the Kingdom of God. To be the hands and feet of Christ to the best of my ability. To give an answer to those who ask. To equip people to have strong reasons for their faith. To bring people to a deeper understanding. Due to this calling on my life, I’ve never felt fulfilled at any normal job – no matter how much money I was paid. 

It is for this reason I called Chris and told him that we will accept the position of Youth and Missions Director at One Life Church in Evansville Indiana. We might have been beaten down in the past, but we weren’t done fighting for the Kingdom. The mission is too important. It was time we got back into the fight. The Hess family is once again on the move because God’s not done with us yet and He’s certainly not done with you. 

“The higher you climb the farther you might fall behind…but you might never wake to see the sunrise…there’s no such thing as spare time…”

So that’s it! That’s the big announcement! We are jumping back into full-time ministry! 

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN FOR THE CHURCH SPLIT? 

• More Content: Now that I will be working in ministry this should give me more time to focus on making more content as my day job and side hobby will now be in the same vein. I plan to pump out my own individual series and do a weekly live stream
• New Content: I want to build an apologetics curriculum that will be free for individuals and churches to download from our website. This is something I’ve wanted to do for a long time, but time would not allow it. Hopefully, after we get a few things rolling, we can get this project underway.
• Adjustment Period: Since Cali and I will be moving this means there will be a short period of time where less content is made as we get settled in. 
• Need Support: Running this operation costs time and money. We have a few generous patrons that have helped cover expenses, but usually running The Church Split comes out of our own pocket. With my income dropping this will impact us greater than it did before. If you would like to support The Church Split (and therefore our families) you can do so on our Patreon where we hope to bring more unique content.
• Need Prayer: Change is never easy so we could use your prayers! It’ll be different than before, but I am also excited to see what God can do. If you can’t support us financially? That’s fine. Just continue to pray for us and check out our content and spread the word. That alone is helpful. 

Lastly, I would like to thank all you guys for supporting our ministry either by reading, listening, watching, sharing and sending us your encouraging messages. We want to continue equipping the Body of Christ for the work of the Lord, and we also want to keep improving our content. We have appreciated all of you who have stuck with us this far. Thank you. We are incredibly blessed to serve you all. Stay tuned for more content coming your way.