By Jordan Ferrier
A layperson’s response to Chris Stockman’s assertion that the God of Classical Theism cannot forgive sinners because forgiveness requires an immutable, atemporal, God to change.
Classical Theism (CT) is a vast topic. In 2023, Fuqua and Koons released a book, Classical Theism: New Essays on the Metaphysics of God. Taking a look at the table of contents, the individual essays have many types of Classical Theists: there are chapters that reflect a wide variety of faith backgrounds; Jewish, Islamic, Roman Catholic, Protestant, and Eastern Orthodox.
CT spans a great deal of time, from Parmenides, who lived about 500 years before Christ, to John Duns Scotus (at least), who lived 1200 years after Christ’s triumph over Satan.
In Deuteronomy 6:4, Moses told Israel that God had told him to tell them, “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.”
If you believe that God is one, you are some sort of Classical Theist; however, for over a millennia, Christian theologians have been asking, “God is one what?” and different Classical Theists have answered that question in different ways, which leads to quite a bit of confusion.
To try and clear up this confusion, I will try and present two very different views of God that were held by two of the theologians that Stockman referred to in his article, Augustine of Hippo (354 – 430 A.D.), and Thomas Aquinas (1225 – 1274 A.D.)
Augustine was born in 354 in North Africa. His mother was a Christian, and his father was a pagan. While he received a Christian education, when he was 18, Augustine moved to Carthage and fully indulged in its pagan culture and had a son out of wedlock at the age of 19. While he was 19, Augustine read Cicero and declared that while rhetoric was his profession; his heart was in philosophy. Augustine became a Manichaean and struggled with the Epicurean problem of evil. After teaching rhetoric at Carthage, Augustine moved to Italy at the age of 29 and opened a school of rhetoric. After a few years, Augustine moved to Milan, read the works of Plato and Plotinus, and fully embraced Christianity at the age of 33. Augustine worked to fuse Platonic philosophy with Christian dogmas, and continued to struggle to resolve the problem of evil. Augustine returned to North Africa at the age of 34, where he served many years in the church at Hippo as a Priest and eventually as Bishop. (A much fuller account of the life of Augustine may be found at newadvent.org, St. Augustine of Hippo).
After converting to Christianity, Augustine had to reconcile how evil came into the world with his belief in the God of the Bible. We need to think through how Augustine thought of God, and how Augustine rationalized an answer to the problem of evil, which allowed him to believe that God existed, was Omnipotent, and Omnibenevolent.
The problem of evil has 3 basic components:
An Omnipotent God could stop evil from coming into the world.
An Omnibenevolent God would want to stop evil from coming into the world.
We could easily blame a previous evil for a current evil, but the problem of evil asks how evil came into the world. To answer, “How did evil come into the world”, we need to restrict the discussion to how the first evil came into the world, rather than how evil keeps coming into the world today.
Augustine believed that Adam committed the first sin (Romans 5:12), that God, by his Omnipotent power could have stopped Adam from sinning, thus, it must be good that there is evil in the world.
Augustine wrote, “Nor can we doubt that God does well even in the permission of what is evil. For He permits it only in the justice of His judgment. And surely all that is just is good. Although, therefore, evil, in so far as it is evil, is not a good; yet the fact that evil as well as good exist, is a good. For if it were not a good that evil should exist, its existence would not be permitted by the Omnipotent Good” (Enchiridion, C. 96).
Augustine used what I call an “Omni-benevolence category theodicy”. This category of theodicy tries to explain why it was good for God to ordain, permit, or otherwise allow evil to come into the world, because God, being Omnipotent, could have stopped evil from coming into the world.
How God can will evil to happen, and it is good that evil happens, was a conundrum Augustine solved by stating, “Accordingly, in the case of these contraries which we call good and evil, the rule of the logicians, that two contraries cannot be predicated at the same time of the same thing, does not hold” (Enchiridion, C. 14).
God can will evil, and it is good that God wills evil, because the rules of logic do not apply to God’s Omni-benevolence.
Augustine also believed that everything happens as God wills, “Nothing, therefore, happens but by the will of the Omnipotent, He either permitting it to be done, or Himself doing it” (Enchiridion, C. 95).
In Parmenides, Plato writes, “Must it not be of a single something, which the thought recognizes as attaching to all, being a single form or nature.”
For Augustine, God was one essence, and the essence of God is a will. God is to be conceived of as one will, and the forms of God’s will would be a perfect will, an ordaining will, a will of permission, etc.
For Augustine, some of the attributes of God are incomprehensible. For example, why did God love one twin and hate the other? Because, “The love, therefore, wherewith God loves, is incomprehensible and immutable” (Tractate 110).
God, prior to creation, willed everything that would take place, and knew everything that would take place. After creation, God either did everything himself, or permitted the creatures he created to do what he willed prior to creation of the universe.
Augustine also spent a great deal of time on Romans 9 and how the election of Jacob and Esau, before they were born, fit into the will of God. Prior to any person being created, God willed the eternal destination of each person. God being in the Heavens, and doing as He pleases, means that God could permit Adam to sin and bring evil into the world, and God could choose to save some from eternal destruction, and pass over others and permit them to spend eternity in hell.
Augustine wrote, “The condemnation of those whom in His justice He has predestined to punishment, and to the salvation of those whom in His mercy He has predestined to grace” (Enchiridion, Ch. 100).
Any parent will tell you that it is difficult to think of one of your children suffering eternal conscious torment in the fires of hell. Augustine had to reconcile a God who is love, whose will is always done, who could give the gift of faith to every person which would guarantee their salvation, with people going to hell.
Augustine wrote, “Accordingly, when we hear and read in Scripture that He ‘will have all men to be saved,’ although we know well that all men are not saved, we are not on that account to restrict the Omnipotence of God, but are rather to understand the Scripture, ‘Who will have all men to be saved,’ as meaning that no man is saved unless God wills his salvation: not that there is no man whose salvation He does not will, but that no man is saved apart from His will; and that, therefore, we should pray Him to will our salvation, because if He will it, it must necessarily be accomplished” (Enchiridion, Ch. 103).
Again, Augustine is convinced that an Omnipotent God could save all, so God must have willed many not to be saved. How could a good and just God, will most people to spend eternity in hell, when God could save every single one?
Augustine answers this question in On The Trinity, Book 5, Chapter 1, by positing that God is without passion. If God suffered when a person made in His image went to hell, then God would want to save everyone:
The “creator though He lack nothing, ruling but from no position, sustaining all things without having them, in His wholeness, yet without place, eternal without time, making things that are changeable, without change of Himself, and without passion”.
If God could be made to suffer passion by the creatures He made, God would not send anyone to hell. For Augustine, God being impassible means that God dispassionately predestined most people to hell when he created the world. God wills all people to sin, and God wills to forgive some people. This is all done prior to creation, according to the will of God, which makes the will of God immutable. God is able to forgive the sins of the elect because God willed to forgive the sins of elect prior to God creating the world, which means God can forgive without His will changing.
The Protestant Reformation of the 16th century was a revival of Augustinian theology. Martin Luther was an Augustinian monk. John Calvin stated that he agreed with Augustine.
John Calvin wrote, “In a word, Augustine is so wholly with me, that if I wished to write a confession of my faith, I could do so, with all fullness and satisfaction to myself, out of his writings” (EPG, p. 20).
Calvin, “It would be utterly absurd to hold, that anything could be done contrary to the will of God . . . Whereas, Augustine proves, by this very argument, that everything that is done on Earth, is effectually ruled, and overruled, by this secret providence of God. Nor does he hesitate to conclude, that everything that is done, is done by the will of God” (EPG, p. 190).
Calvin, “But it could not be otherwise. Adam could not but fall; according to the foreknowledge and will of God” (EPG, p. 76).
Calvin, “The eternal predestination of God, by which He decreed, before the fall of Adam, what should take place, in the whole human race, and in every individual thereof, was unalterably fixed and determined” (EPG, p. 108).
Calvin, “Augustine then adds this short sentence; ‘These are the mighty works of the Lord! Shining with perfection in every instance of His will . . . (God) accomplished what He willed, righteously, and with the height of all wisdom: overruling the evils done, to the damnation of those whom He had justly predestinated to punishment, and to the salvation of those whom He had mercifully predestined to grace” (EPG, p. 26).
Calvin, “Augustine testifies, that men are not chosen because they believe; but, on the contrary, are chosen that they might believe”, “Again, in another place, he says, ‘Who created the reprobate but God? And why? Because He willed it? – Who art thou, O man, that repliest against God?’” (EPG, p. 23).
Hopefully you can see from those quotes that Calvin is saying the same thing about Augustine’s version of Divine Simplicity as what I have been describing. This version of Divine Simplicity means that everything takes place necessarily, as God willed it from eternity past, and God is immutable (steadfast) so what he decreed and ordained to happen from eternity past will not change: Calvin, “All we say is that God is in charge of the world which He established and not only holds in his power the events of the natural world, but also governs the hearts of men, bends their wills this way and that in accordance with His choice, and is the director of their actions, so that they in the end do nothing which He has not decreed, whatever they may try to do. Accordingly we say that those things which appear to be in the greatest degree due to chance happen of necessity – not by their own innate properties but because the purpose of God, which is eternal and steadfast, is sovereign in governing them” (BLW, p. 38). Calvin continues, “Accordingly everything that happens, happens of necessity, as He has ordained” (BLW, p. 39).
Martin Luther, a monk in an Augustinian order of the Roman Catholic Church, said much the same thing, “You openly declare that the immutable will of God is to be known, but you forbid the knowledge of His immutable prescience. Do you believe that He foreknows against His will, or that He wills in ignorance? If then, He foreknows, willing, His will is eternal and immovable, because His nature is so: and, if He wills, foreknowing, His knowledge is eternal and immovable, because His nature is so. From which it follows unalterably, that all things which we do, although they may appear to us to be done mutably and contingently, and even may be done contingently by us, are yet, in reality, done necessarily and immutably, with respect to the will of God. For the will of God is effective and cannot be hindered; because the very power of God is natural to Him, and his wisdom is such that He cannot be deceived. And as His will cannot be hindered, the work itself cannot be hindered from being done in the place, at the time, in the measure, and by whom He forsees and wills” (BW, Sect. 9).
Luther is rejecting simple foreknowledge, that God knows what will take place in the future: Luther is saying that God wills what will take place in the future, so God knows what will take place in the future.
Luther goes on to clarify what he meant by things “even may be done contingently by us, are yet, in reality, done necessarily”. While God is a necessary being, we are contingent beings, thus, when Luther says something is done contingently, he means that it is done by a contingent creature, not that the choice was contingent upon the creature’s decision, “But, (that we may not be deceived in terms) being done by contingency, does not, in the Latin language, signify that the work itself which done is contingent, but that it is done according to a contingent and mutable will – such a will as is not to be found in God! Moreover, a work cannot be called contingent, unless it be done by us unawares, by contingency, and, as it were, by chance; that is, by our will or hand catching at it, as presented by chance, we thinking nothing of it, nor willing anything about it before” (BW, Sect. 9).
Thomas Aquinas lived in the 13th century, about 900 years after Augustine. The Roman Catholic Church was completely Augustinian by this time. Augustine was a “Doctor of the Church”, and to go against Augustine would be to go against the teaching Magisterium, which would be tantamount to saying that the Roman Catholic Church was not the Church Jesus founded on Peter, the rock.
In his book on Thomas Aquinas, G.K. Chesterton remarks, “St. Thomas, for all his love of Greek philosophy, saved us from being Platonists” (Ox, p. 12). Chesterton continues, “So the Thomist was free to be an Aristotelian instead of being bound to be an Augustinian” (Ox, p. 18).
Chesterton was simply pointing out the historical fact that Luther, Calvin, etc., were Augustinian Platonists, while people like himself (and C. S. Lewis) were Thomistic Aristotelians. Aquinas would recycle the same words Augustine used, while giving them very different meanings, which means we need to pay careful attention to the details to grasp the differences between the two.
For Aquinas, God is one essence, and is to be conceived of as His attributes.
Rather than the essence of God being a will, Aquinas taught that God’s essence is His existence.
Aquinas gave an example similar to this:
A Pterodactyl has essence and used to have existence.
An Ostrich has essence and has existence.
A Pegasus has essence but has never had existence.
Pterodactyls had existence, but no longer do.
An Ostrich currently has both essence and existence.
The Pegasus is a mythological creature that has an essence, but has never had existence.
Essence and existence are separable in created beings.
God, having Aseity, was not created, thus, essence and existence are not separable in God, God’s essence is His existence.
Aquinas, “God is the same as His essence or nature” (Prima Pars, Q3, A3).
“Therefore, it is impossible that in God His existence should differ from His essence” (Prima Pars, Q3, A4).
Aquinas agreed with Augustine that “God is truly and absolutely simple” (Prima Pars, Q3, A7).
However, Aquinas disagreed with Augustine that everything happens as God wills it: “The foregoing is to set aside the error of certain persons who said that all things proceed from God according to His simple will, which means that we are not to give an explanation of anything except that God wills it” (SCG, 1.87.5).
We need to return to the problem of evil.
Aquinas wrote, “Whatever implies contradiction does not come within the scope of Divine Omnipotence” (Prima Pars, Q25, A3).
Aquinas used what I call an “Omnipotence category theodicy”. This type of theodicy shows that it is logically impossible for God to stop evil from coming into the world after God creates creatures with real freedom.
For example, when God created Adam:
Adam was created in the image of God
Adam was created with rectitude of nature
Adam was adorned with the light of reason
Adam’s will was ordered to the good.
Benevolence is “to will the good of another”, and God, being Omni-benevolent, willed the good of Adam.
God did not both will the good of Adam and for evil to befall Adam. That would be logically contradictory.
God gave Adam real freedom. This good gift was given through the freedom to eat from every tree, with a prohibition of eating from one tree. Even Omnipotence could not give freedom and withhold it at the same time, thus, contrary to Augustine, God could not stop Adam from eating from the prohibited tree after Genesis 2:17.
God did not want Adam to do the opposite of what God commanded Adam to do.
God did not give Adam permission to sin.
God did not allow Adam to sin; to allow something implies the power to stop it from taking place.
God did not will Adam to sin. If God willed Adam to sin, then it is a sin to do the will of God.
Aquinas rejected the Nominalism of Augustine (that two contraries can be predicated of God’s goodness at the same time, thus the rules of logic do not apply to God), and taught that God cannot do what is logically contradictory: give real freedom to Adam and withhold it at the same time, or, lie to Adam and remain the Truth, because a being that is both the truth and a liar is logically contradictory and nonsense.
Ed Feser, in his “Beginners Guides to Aquinas” states, “Aristotle and Aquinas would also be baffled by the modern tendency to think of causation as essentially a relation between temporally ordered events” (p. 20). Feser continues, “For Aristotle and Aquinas, it is things that are causes, not events; and the immediate efficient cause of an effect is simultaneous with it, not temporally prior to it” (p. 21).
Now, if that paragraph does not make much sense to you, perhaps you can concede that the task of explaining Thomistic Divine Simplicity is a bit tricky.
A comparison between the “Kalam cosmological argument” vs Aquinas “argument from motion for the existence of God” may bring some clarity.
The Kalam states that everything that begins to exist has a cause, the universe began to exist; Therefore, the universe has a cause. God did not begin to exist, God has always existed; Therefore, God is the cause and creator of the Universe.
The Kalam invites the reader to think back in time to the beginning of the universe. It is an argument that uses temporally ordered events. While I am not opposed to the Kalam as an argument for the existence of God, there are a few things to consider:
Could it be argued that God wound up the world and walked away?
Could it be argued that the prior event caused the current event, which stretches back to the creation of the world, which implies that everything was determined by how God created the world? After all, Atheists (like Sam Harris) concede that temporally ordered events means that everything is determined by the universe, and humans do not have free-will.
Can it be proven scientifically or philosophically that the world began to exist? Aquinas didn’t think so, instead, he thought that the fact that the Universe began to exist could only be known by Divine revelation.
To explain how Aquinas explained causation, I need to define and explain several terms:
Power is “potent”, as in, God is Omni-potent; thus, God is all powerful.
A potential is “potency”. A dog has the potential to wake up and run across the room.
While the dog is asleep, it is both potent (having the power to run), and potency (having the potential to run).
Act is “actuality”. The dog in the act of running has actualized the power to run and “moved” from the potency of running to the act of running.
In agreement with Aristotle, Aquinas stated, “potency does not raise itself to act; it must be raised to act by something that is in act” (SCG, 1.16.3).
Aquinas, “God is eternal: Everything that begins to be or ceases to be does so through motion or change. Since, however, we have shown that God is absolutely immutable, He is eternal, lacking all beginning or end (SCG, 1.15.2).
Aquinas is saying that God is immutable because God does not move from potency to act, because anything raised from potency to act must be raised by another that is in act; thus, “There is no passive potency in God” (Aquinas, SCG, 1.16).
Next we need to discuss the four causes: efficient, material, formal, and final cause.
Several years ago, I wanted to get a dog for my kids to enjoy. Before we bought the dog, I wanted to have a fenced in backyard, so I could let the dog out the back door in our suburb and not have to worry about it.
My work, every evening and weekend for months on end was the efficient cause of the fence.
The type of fence I built, made of wood, plastic, and metal, was the material cause.
The fact that it was a fence was the formal cause. You may be imagining a chain link fence, a wood picket fence, a fence made of vinyl panels, etc.; However, when you are driving through a suburb and see a fence, you know it is a fence, because it takes the form of a fence.
The final cause of the fence is fencing. The fence keeps the dog in and the neighbors out.
In summary:
Efficient cause: person
Material cause: wood, etc.
Formal cause: fence.
Final cause: the good of fencing.
Now, it probably is not too difficult for you to think of examples in your own life where you are the efficient cause, there is a material cause, where you form the material to effect a final cause.
The same four causes also apply to God.
God is the efficient cause of the Universe.
Matter is the material cause of the Universe.
Planets, people, animals, etc. are the formal cause.
The final cause is that what God created He ordered to the good (i.e., Adam and Eve).
After power, potency, act, and the four causes, I need to explain what is necessary and what is an accident.
Think of a loaf of bread that just came out of the oven.
What is necessary for the substance you just took out of the oven to be called a loaf of bread?
Does it have to be moist? No, you could have baked it until it was dry.
Does it have to be dry? No, it could be moist.
It is not necessary for dryness or moistness to be present for the substance to be a loaf of bread, so things that are not necessary are called “accidents”.
God is a necessary being, so there are no accidents in God.
The creatures that God creates are not necessary beings, so we are contingent.
God being necessary is a different “order” than contingent beings.
When God is the efficient cause of all things, God is the – first order efficient cause – of all things.
God, by the fact that he is upholding the Universe at this very moment, is the first order efficient cause of the entire Universe, and the fact that God is upholding the Universe is what makes it possible for a second order (contingent) person to be the efficient cause of building a fence.
The Thomist asks, “What attributes must God necessarily have prior to God creating anything?”
This is done by a process of remotion, where we remove what God is not, to know what God is (See SCG, 1.14).
God is not nonexistent, God is existence, which is the attribute of Aseity.
God is not finite, God is infinite.
God is not unjust, God is justice.
God is not willing the evil of another, God must be Omni-benevolent.
R.C. Sproul explains the Augustinian perspective of everything happens as God wills:
When evil comes into the world by God’s sovereign will, it is good that evil occurs (NC, 2007).
Vs.
Aquinas, “God cannot will evil” (SCG, 1.95).
God is not impotent, God must be Omnipotent.
God is not composed of potency and act, God must be pure actuality.
God is not composed, God must be simple (not divisible).
God is not changing (moving from potency to act), God must be immutable (always in actuality).
God is not created or His creation, God must be transcendent to His creation.
God does not fail to uphold the Universe, God is immanent to His creation.
God is not a liar, God is truth.
God is not unreliable, God is faithful.
God is not hate, God is love.
Etc.
Necessary attributes are pure actuality, they do not move from potency to act.
For example:
God is love.
Love is the essence, being, and substance of God.
Because God is love, God is jealous for those he loves.
Jealousy is not a necessary attribute, rather, it is the attribute of love in action.
Aquinas states, “An accident depends on a substance” (SCG, 1.23.7)
Jealousy is an accident, dependent upon the substance of love.
While God is jealous, and jealousy is an accident, jealousy is not a necessary attribute, or part of the essence, being, or substance of God.
God is just.
Because God is just, God hates evil.
While God hates evil, evil is an accident, evil is not a necessary attribute, or part of the essence, being, or substance of God.
When Thomists say that there are no accidents in God, that does not mean that the accidents of jealousy, grace, mercy, wrath, sovereignty, etc. are not attributed to God: those things are characteristics of God, that are attributed to God, that flow from the essence of God, and God is simultaneously all of His necessary attributes, but God is not simultaneously all of His characteristics.
As creatures, we are composed of both potency and act.
A tree has the potential to be cut down and made into a table.
The table has the potential to be cut up and used as firewood.
We all know a person who squandered their potential.
In Deuteronomy 30, God tells Israel through Moses, “I set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction” (v. 15). Moses then explains that the choice is theirs to make. God has given contingent creatures the real freedom to choose to obey or disobey, and the choice is contingent on their decision.
The people Moses was speaking to had a will, an intellect, and a conscience. Paul explains “their consciences also bearing witness, and their thoughts sometimes accusing them and at other times even defending them” (Rom 2:15).
Choice is a function of the intellect, which is informed by the conscience.
People make choices, and then they either have the will to carry out that choice or not.
God cannot be good and withhold the grace people need to be able to choose him.
God cannot force people to freely choose him.
God has told us, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).
When God gives the freedom of choice to people, like when God gave Adam and Eve the freedom to choose, and God gave Israel the freedom to choose, God still knows what will be chosen.
As Calvin explains, foreknowledge is not the cause of things (Institutes, 3.23.6).
Aquinas, “The Divine will does not remove contingency from things, nor does it impose absolute necessity on them” (SCG, 1.85).
God knew that the people of Keilah will hand David over to Saul (1 Samuel 23).
God knowing that the people of Keilah will hand David over to Saul did not cause it to happen.
God knowing that the people of Keilah will hand David over to Saul did not make it necessary that it happen.
God knew what will happen if David stayed in Keilah. God knew what will happen when he told David that the citizens of Keilah will hand David over to Saul if David chose to stay in Keilah.
God knew what will happen in both possible contingent futures.
When a choice is made by a contingent creature, and it is contingent upon their choice, people are able to do otherwise than what God wills. People are able to do otherwise than what God predestined. When God gives the freedom to choose to people, like he did to all the people of Israel, God cannot make every person choose life and prosperity. Foreknowledge does not cause an event to happen, and foreknowledge does not make an event necessary; God can intervene, like He did with David, and David made a different choice with his intellect, with the additional information God gave him.
For God to know how to correctly advise David, and for God to know how best to intervene, God needs to know all possible contingent futures. This is why in Thomistic Classical Theism, God is said to exist in eternity, outside of created time, because God is transcendent over His creation, and God simultaneously knows all possible contingent futures, which means that God knows how best to interact with each and every one of us.
The death of the timeless God has only taken place in the small minds of the philosophically inept.
This explanation started out by stating it would be: A layperson’s response to Chris Stockman’s assertion that the God of Classical Theism cannot forgive sinners because forgiveness requires an immutable, atemporal, God to change. Stockman also pointed out that for God to forgive, God would have to suffer passion and be “moved to do something in response to something outside of Himself”.
Aquinas, and Scripture, both say that “God is love”. For Aquinas, God is love in pure actuality. Each of God’s attributes extends to every other attribute, and God’s attributes are all co-extensive simultaneously.
God’s love is just.
God has the wisdom to love justly.
God has the power to wisely love justly.
The attributes of God that are necessary are all simultaneously one, because God doesn’t stop being just when he loves, and God doesn’t cease to be love when he dispenses justice.
God being impassible means that a contingent creature cannot swap places with God (a necessary being), and become the first order causation that moves God from the potency to love to the act of loving.
This would be like a stream rising higher than its source.
God is love, and God is already, and always, in the act of loving his creation. God is immutable because God does not change from potency to act. God can forgive sinners because sinners do not have to be the cause of moving God from the potential to love them to the act of loving them.
Stockman also wrote, “Classical Theism fundamentally denies that God even stands in a real relation to the world at all”, then quotes Aquinas, “But in God relation to the creature is not a real relation, but only a relation of reason; whereas the relation of the creature to God is a real relation, as was said above in treating of the divine names”.
The Question Stockman quotes from is Prima Pars, Q28, “Whether there are real relations in God?”
Aquinas answers, “Therefore as the Divine procession are in the identity of the same nature, as above explained, these relations, according to the Divine processions, are necessarily real relations” (Prima Pars, Q28). The relations Aquinas is considering are the concepts of paternity and filiation in God. As is stated in Q28, “The Father is denominated only from paternity; and the Son only from filiation. Therefore, if no real paternity or filiation existed in God, it would follow that God is not really Father or Son, but only in our manner of understanding; and this is the Sabellian heresy”.
For Aquinas, God is one nature and His creation is of a different nature.
If Stockman wants us to be in real relation to God, in the way Aquinas is discussing, then we need to be in very nature God.
If each of us is in very nature God, then God is a Quadrinity (or Trillioninity), rather than a Trinity.
For Aquinas, the creature is separate from God, and God is transcendent above His creation.
Stockman has simply misunderstood the definition of relation, and has stated something about Aquinas that is incorrect. If you have read this far, you can probably grasp how easy it is to misunderstand meanings when reading either Augustine or Aquinas.
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So…You Want to Be a Missionary?
Opinion Piece
First, let me introduce myself. I am a missionary to a Restricted Access Nation in Asia. I spent three years living in this foreign nation before returning home to seek more training. I am currently (2022) finishing up the last few meetings left before I am finished raising the support I need to return to this Restricted Access Nation as a church-planting missionary. However, as a missionary, I have experienced missions both from the perspective of an Independent Fundamental Baptist and as a Non-denominational missionary. One of my supporters, Will Hess from The Church Split, reached out and asked me to share my thoughts on missions from my perspective. I will not attempt to criticize or evaluate denominational missions due to my inexperience in that field. However, I will attempt to explain my experiences in the IFB and eventually as a non-denominational missionary. I will explain my philosophies as a missionary, which I believe to be Biblical. I will explain the problems that I see with missions in our modern environment. Finally, I will explain my burden for missions, and I will attempt to persuade you of the importance of missions. However, before I begin that series, let me explain how I entered the field of missions.
My Introduction to Missions
Despite that wonderful buildup, I didn’t want to be a missionary when I first expressed interest in vocational ministry. I didn’t want to be a missionary at all. I expressly told the Lord, “God, I will serve in any way that you want, except missions.” As a child in an Independent Fundamental Baptist Church, we had missionaries at our church every year. We were constantly exposed to missionaries. However, as an un-churched kid who grew up in a non-Christian home, I thought that missionaries and their children were strange. It seemed that missions seemed to beckon to the weirdest, most peculiar group of people that I had ever met. This was not necessarily due to their decision to serve as missionaries, but since all the families that I seemed to meet were people that I wouldn’t be caught dead with in real life. Since I wasn’t weird, I ascertained that God must have called me to either a pastoral or an evangelistic role of service. Furthermore, I didn’t like the idea of serving the Lord in a foreign field or having to travel for years to raise financial support, only to have to travel to the United States to beg for more money every 4 years. Since I didn’t have the personality of what I deemed to be proper for an evangelist (more on that in future posts), I decided that I would be a pastor. I am certainly glad that God changed my mind.
While I attended an IFB seminary in Southern California, I initially believed that God was calling me to missions. I had been attending multiple missionary prayer groups, in which we prayed for different missionaries around the world. I am not sure at the time if I was caught in an emotional moment, but I realize now that it is increasingly difficult to listen to stories of people who uprooted their entire life for the cause of Christ and stay content to be a pastor. When the missions conference rolled around, I decided that I was bound to be a missionary. However, I specifically told the Lord, “God, I will serve the Lord wherever you want, but I don’t want to go to this Restricted Access Nation.” During this mission conference, I met multiple missionaries in this specific field, and I felt that God was burdening me with unreached people groups. Thankfully, a wise roommate told me that this specific nation had over a billion people and would be filled with unreached people. I relented and committed to praying to determine if this was God’s will for my life.
Let’s pause for a moment and comment on the idea of “God’s will.” Often this phrase is misused and incredibly misunderstood. Somehow, people believe that God always promised to give people a very specific and very literal calling for their exact life purpose, often during their teenage or pre-teen years. This is usually prompted by some sort of emotional appeal during an altar call of a revival service. Oddly enough, I have only heard this phrase for those going into vocational ministry in this context. Otherwise, God’s will is a vague phrase used to determine your spouse, your house, your car, or explain away anything that doesn’t make sense. Instead, I believe that the following rubric can help determine God’s will for your life:
- Is there a desire (1 Timothy 3:1; Proverbs 18:1; Psalms 37:4)?
- Have you prayed about it?
- Have you sought godly counsel (Proverbs 12:15. 11:14, 15:22)?
- What does the Bible say? (i.e., is there anything in the Bible that forbids this decision or your qualification?)
Moving on. A year later, God opened the door for my wife and me to serve in this Restricted Access Nation. We served in an Underground church under a veteran missionary, teaching English and working with the youth group. After our first year, the veteran missionary was kicked out of the country, and my wife and I remained for two more years, serving in that underground church under a national pastor. It was during these three years that God began to make it clear that this is where our calling was, and we came back to the United States, where we served in our former sending church for two years before we began deputation (the process of raising financial support). Although I could speak for hours concerning the call to missions, I will openly admit that this looks different for everyone. Everyone who is a missionary was called differently, at a different stage, and to a different place. There is no right way to do this part, but there may be more beneficial ways of clarifying God’s call. For further clarification, this entire process occurred during our years in the Independent Fundamental Baptist movement, and our experiences are drawn from this crowd. I appreciated this entire process, and as I look back, I can see that God was doing amazing things.
Our World Is Blown Apart
As I mentioned, it was during this deputation process that our world began to change. In the last 2.5 years, we have traveled to hundreds of churches and seen so many things. We have been to churches that were different shades of IFB than what I grew up in. We have encountered beliefs that are different than ours. We have even visited churches outside of our denominational affiliation, including Southern Baptists, Pentecostals, etc. Throughout these experiences, we have learned a lot. We have hurt a lot. We have grown a lot. We made new friends, and we lost old friends. We experienced some of the best moments and some of the hardest moments of our lives. We lost half of our support overnight, and we lost our sending church. Our friends rejected us, and our supporters left us. Even after that, we experienced the same issues outside of the IFB as everyone was constantly fighting with everyone, and our support and family were the collateral. We have also grown spiritually and doctrinally, and God has reshaped some of our views on missions. It is through some of these experiences that I want to take a few blog posts and explain what I have learned. I may not change the way that the world sees missions, but hopefully, I can encourage a church or a missionary to challenge the way that they think. If we can fix the problems of missions from this side of the field, we might further enhance our ability to reach the world.
Over the next few posts, I intend to cover the following topics:
- Deputation (troubles and philosophies)
- Unity behind the Gospel
- Theology and the missionary
- Missionary Autonomy
- Furlough and support troubles
- Apathy and missions
After these brief posts, I hope that you will have at least a better appreciation of the experiences that missionaries go through to reach foreign nations with the Gospel. Until next
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God’s Not Done With You Yet: My BIG Announcement
By Will Hess
“You bought all your philosophies and carved out your philanthropy, it didn’t take you much to do your part. But you closed off opportunity with narrow cold hypocrisy, and in the end you traded petty comforts for your heart.”
The words to The Classic Crime’s song Spare Time blared from my speakers as I drove home from work. The Classic Crime is a small indie band that I was introduced to by a friend of mine in small group a while back and they quickly became my favorite music artist (it was the same friend that did all the branding for The Church Split. Check him out here) Although most of the time their songs are accompanied by myself with car karaoke, this time it was met with silence. These words echoed in my heart in an accusatory fashion – reminding me of my life’s calling.
A few months ago the vice president of my seminary announced their church was in need of a Youth Director. Those who have read my last post would know that three years ago, I stepped down from full-time ministry after a number of difficulties to focus on my family. For those of you who do not know, I have sent in my resume multiple times over the last three years to varying churches in my area and abroad. Either I would never hear back, or after a phone interview I’d quickly be vetted out of their processes. This is likely due to me being in a Christian Reformed area and my not being Reformed. In fact, many of my beliefs are not in vogue with the rest of Protestantism, Evangelicalism, and definitely not Progressivism – leaving me a bit homeless. Thus, I had sort of gotten used to sending in my resume out of mild curiosity, but being rejected for one reason or another. So like many times before, I sent in my resume expecting not to hear back. Oddly enough, I was sort of okay with this arrangement. After all, if no one hired me then I didn’t have to make the decision of leaving my current comfortable lifestyle.
Ministry had not been easy on my wife and I – emotionally, spiritually, or financially. It was hard. When I stepped down from ministry I had prayed God would provide me a job that would allow me to support my family and my wife to stay home with our little girl. God did that by providing me a job in auto finance. Learning this new trade was one of the hardest things I had ever done in my life, but I did it and we were making a great living! The world began to feel like it was opening up to a whole new level of financial opportunity. A beautiful house? A nice car? Fantastic retirement? Swanky vacations? All these things were easily becoming mine on the path I was currently on. It was comfortable. It was convenient.
However, I still had a strong pull toward ministry. I satiated this pull by recording episodes of The Church Split, serving as an Elder in my church, teaching theology in Bible Hour, and discipling a few young men. Yet, every time I went to the office I kept thinking, “I have scored the opportunity of a lifetime, yet why does it feel so empty?” As much as this bothered me, I often shook it off and pressed on. I had a family to provide for and deals to work. Plus, since no church seemed to want me – it seemed the decision was already made. My time in ministry was over. It’s okay, it was a good run and we had many fond memories.
[Frontline Bible Church’s Elderboard 2022]
Or at least…that’s what I’d tell myself…
The reality was, although I was making a good living, I wasn’t living in my life’s call. I knew that. I just didn’t know how to correct it. I even began considering doing a church plant, but timing never seemed to line up correctly. I was in a strange limbo. I was financially comfortable, but spiritually unfulfilled.
Soon after receiving my resume this church contacted me regarding their Youth Director position. Chris (their NextGen Director) scheduled a phone call. We seemed to hit it off well…really well. It was the most personable and authentic conversation I had ever had with a church. This shocked me and made me extremely interested, but I was also tentative. This church was six hours away from my home and the idea of moving was a bit daunting. Life was comfortable where I was at and I didn’t want to give it all up on a whim.
What took place next was a bit wild. Since I didn’t have the church job lined up (nor did I know if I would take it) I continued to work on my career in auto finance and landed a job at one of the most prestigious dealerships in the state of Michigan – needless to say things were going very well. At the same time I accepted this position, Chris called me and asked me to come down for an interview. I chose to go down, but now I was even more conflicted. I just scored one of the most desired jobs in the auto industry in the entire state, and here I was, considering leaving that all behind – for what? Ministry? Clearly I must be insane.
When we arrived we hit it off with the team and it quickly revealed itself to me that this church was different from others. The church, the people, all of them truly did seem to share in a common goal and had a passion for the gospel, their city, and reaching hearts for Jesus Christ. I had dinner with the team, survived a questionnaire, taught a class, hung out with the youth group, and overall had a great time. On our way back my heart was more conflicted than it was previously. What this church had was special, but so was the new job I just landed. Would I really consider leaving the keys to the golden kingdom to work with students? Again, I asked myself, “am I insane?”
When we went down, Cali brought our friend Tabby (our former editor) with her to keep her company while I was gallivanting around with the church’s team. Tabby had been one of the students under our former ministry and as she grew up she quickly became one of our best friends. Everywhere we went, she often tagged along. As Cali and I discussed the opportunity on our way back home, Tabby interjected with all her usual enthusiasm, “I think you guys are the perfect fit for the church. If they offer you the job you should take it!” Part of me knew she was right, but there was a major problem – the salary was too low to support my family. This left me even more conflicted. It seemed everything was a perfect fit for me, but the numbers were too far away.
Eventually they offered me the job and I asked if they could give me time to think about it to which they obliged. Since I knew the numbers were too far away, I began to make phone calls to every connection I had in the area (my seminary is in the same city and often partnered with the church). My goal was to see if they, or one of their connections, could get me part-time work to make the numbers come together. Try as I might, nothing seemed to be working. That Monday I resolved to call Chris and tell him that the numbers were too far away, and despite my best efforts, I would have to turn down the position. I was a little disappointed as it seemed everything about the position was perfect for me and my family. I told myself, “well, if God wanted me to do this, then He would provide a way. Currently He hasn’t, so I guess I’ll continue to work here!” Although I was a little disappointed, I was also relieved to a degree as it means I got to stay in the golden kingdom. After all, life wasn’t all bad right? I was making money, we were comfortable, and I could still minister in my spare time.
Then I received it. The text message from Chris asking if I could meet with him and another staff member that Thursday to “go over some things”. I agreed. I figured this would give me the opportunity to perhaps turn down the position face to face, unless by some miracle someone was able to bring more money into this equation. After all, the church hadn’t even hit my minimum number yet.
Boy…does God have a sense of humor…
That Thursday they called me and mentioned a few other areas the church needed help with. They then offered me to help fill those voids – offering me more money to do it. How much money? The exact minimum I needed. I sometimes wonder what my face looked like when they told me the news. I was blown away and I knew I was going to have to make a decision. A real decision. I couldn’t say I was rejected nor could I blame the numbers. Never have things ever felt more real than in that moment. They told me I had a week to make the decision (perfectly reasonable) and I got off the phone. In slight shock I looked at Cali, and asked, “penny for your thoughts?”
Her face was gentle, her eyes forward, and in the most peaceful tone she responded:
“I know it sounds crazy…but I think we should do it.”
I’ll be honest, I was shocked. Cali hates anything that disrupts her peace and few things disturb the peace like moving to another state. On top of that, ministry was extremely hard on our family originally – yet here she was – at perfect peace about this decision. I knew at that moment what we were supposed to do. God was calling us to a new home and a new ministry. Because the reality is, the moment I talked to Chris months before I knew where God wanted me – he wanted me at One Life Church in Evansville Indiana.
The reality is, although I knew it was the right decision, it didn’t make it an easy decision. I decided to think about it over the weekend and let them know the following week. I kept asking myself, “am I crazy?” After all, financially we would be cutting our income in half, we would be moving to another state when the economy is less than ideal, and I’d have to leave my family and friends.
That Sunday Cali and I sat down to discuss it. We made a list of pros and cons, discussed what each decision involved, and then we wrote down two fateful questions suggested by Brian Bode (the co-host/producer of The Church Split):
- What has been our life goal?
- Which decision brings us closer to that goal?
The answers to these questions were simple. Our goal in life has always been to make the greatest impact for the Kingdom as possible, and it was clearly this opportunity that brought us closer to that decision. With that said, we looked at each other and I asked, “so does this mean we’re going to Indiana?”
Cali responded the same as before – with calm sincerity. “It looks to be that way.” Finally, the decision was made and I felt at peace, the peace you have only when you know you’re taking a step in the right direction. Suddenly instead of nerves and unease, I felt excitement and a thrill for the next chapter of life.
Now back to the car karaoke. The day before Cali and I sat down to have this conversation, I was on my way back home from work and Spare Time came up through my Spotify DJ playlist. It was random. It was not by design. Yet, of all songs this algorithm chose, it picked that one. Suddenly the song I used to love for its depth of meaning felt far more personal as the second verse came on, “In the end, you traded petty comforts for your heart”. I didn’t want this to be me. I didn’t want to sacrifice my passion for comfort. I didn’t want to trade my calling for materialism. I belonged in the fight. I knew that, and it was time I faced the music (pun intended).
At the end of my life what will I have achieved? This is the question that kept returning to mind. I didn’t want to just say, “well…I made a great living and had many great things”. Materialism doesn’t satisfy the soul nor does it last forever. One day all those things will pass away, but it will be what we do for the Kingdom of God that matters. It’s not about living in the now but living in the not yet. In reality, the words I want to say at the end of my life are, “I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith”. I knew I wouldn’t be able to say that if I wasn’t fulfilling the calling God placed on my life. If you know what God wants from you, and you’re not doing it, then you don’t have spare time. Each moment is a moment wasted.
Life isn’t about trinkets, nor is it about comfort – none of those things can give you purpose, none of those things can bring you fulfillment. It’s funny how we all innately know this, but few of us live it out. It’s human nature to seek the path of least resistance. We love easy. We love simple. We love comfortable. However, it seems whenever we pursue such things our lives either become a mess or meaningless. Jesus never promised our lives would be comfortable, only that our eternity would be peaceful. We rarely thrive in environments that don’t challenge us and some of us have been sitting on the sidelines for far too long and need to get back into the game.
God’s not done with you yet, and if you have a calling on your life, then go fulfill it. Whatever passion God has given you, pursue it with everything in you and watch God work. Don’t focus on materialism, your wealth, or your comfort. That’s not what matters nearly as much as you following God’s call on your life.
My call has always been to serve the Kingdom of God. To be the hands and feet of Christ to the best of my ability. To give an answer to those who ask. To equip people to have strong reasons for their faith. To bring people to a deeper understanding. Due to this calling on my life, I’ve never felt fulfilled at any normal job – no matter how much money I was paid.
It is for this reason I called Chris and told him that we will accept the position of Youth and Missions Director at One Life Church in Evansville Indiana. We might have been beaten down in the past, but we weren’t done fighting for the Kingdom. The mission is too important. It was time we got back into the fight. The Hess family is once again on the move because God’s not done with us yet and He’s certainly not done with you.
“The higher you climb the farther you might fall behind…but you might never wake to see the sunrise…there’s no such thing as spare time…”
So that’s it! That’s the big announcement! We are jumping back into full-time ministry!
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN FOR THE CHURCH SPLIT?
- More Content: Now that I will be working in ministry this should give me more time to focus on making more content as my day job and side hobby will now be in the same vein. I plan to pump out my own individual series and do a weekly episode with Brian on a relevant topic.
- New Content: I want to build an apologetics curriculum that will be free for individuals and churches to download from our website. This is something I’ve wanted to do for a long time, but time would not allow it. Hopefully, after we get a few things rolling, we can get this project underway.
- Adjustment Period: Since Cali and I will be moving this means there will be a short period of time where less content is made as we get settled in. After that? It will take Brian and I a moment to find the new groove as we film from a distance. Have no fear – the show will go on!
- Need Support: Running this operation costs time and money. We have a few generous patrons that have helped cover expenses, but usually running The Church Split comes out of our own pocket. With my income dropping this will impact us greater than it did before. If you would like to support The Church Split (and therefore our families) you can do so on our Patreon where we hope to bring more unique content.
- Need Prayer: Change is never easy so we could use your prayers! It’ll be different than before with Brian and I in different locations, but I am also excited to see what God can do. If you can’t support us financially? That’s fine. Just continue to pray for us and check out our content and spread the word. That alone is helpful.
Lastly, I would like to thank all you guys for supporting our ministry either by reading, listening, watching, sharing and sending us your encouraging messages. We want to continue equipping the Body of Christ for the work of the Lord, and we also want to keep improving our content. We have appreciated all of you who have stuck with us this far. Thank you. We are incredibly blessed to serve you all. Stay tuned for more content coming your way.
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Why I’m Not Quitting Ministry
By Will Hess
“It is my great honor and privilege to be the first to introduce to you today, Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Smith”
[1]Recently, I spoke these words and they rang out in an open dusty barn at a beautiful countryside wedding. I watched as two young people, whom I have grown to love and admire, walked down the aisle celebrating their marriage together with their entire lives ahead of them. It was a proper bookend to my ministry here in Michigan and one that filled my heart with joy, happiness, pride, and most of all…closure.
Why would I need closure? Let me explain…
In 2016 my wife and I moved here to minister at a small country church. We were young, excited, and ready to serve with all the excitement we had to muster. We quickly began discipling, serving, and creating plans for the future of the church. Things were going well…until they weren’t. Needless to say, ministry isn’t always easy. It took about a year for us to experience our first real trial as the church endured a split (not two years from a previous split they had suffered before our arrival). The reasons for the split were many, but most of all it was political and trivial – as most disunity tends to be. We felt betrayed as those who seemed to be our strongest supporters turned their backs on us over tertiary matters. During this split, my wife was gone in Washington nursing her dying mother in a hospice bed for four months. When my wife returned from her mother’s passing, the church had dramatically shifted. The people who once said, “we are praying for you and your family as your mom passes” were no longer to be found – leaving behind nothing but the bitter memories of hollow talk.
During this time though, we were able to rally some troops and begin to rebuild with a few key families. Things began to thrive again and we began to heal. We saw the Youth Group alone go from four kids to sometimes over thirty! We had so much momentum and it felt that not even the gates of hell could withstand the force of this church. It was during this time we met Brian Bode, the infamous co-host of our podcast. It was also during this time that my other best friend Andrew and his wife Brittany decided to move up from Alabama to help build the church even further. Soon after that decision was made though, we received momentous news!
[Youth Group Retreat and Pregnancy Announcement] Cali was pregnant.
We were going to have a baby! Years of marriage thinking we couldn’t have a child and here we were – expecting our own little peanut. However, within just a few weeks, Cali miscarried. We were devastated. A month later, more turmoil began to grow with a few families in the church and not two weeks before Andrew and Brittany moved to Michigan – the church began to split…again…
I received a text and phone call at ten o’clock at night from the associate pastor. He was one of the key pillars to rebuilding the church after the recent split. He informed me they were leaving the church. They had shifted their beliefs regarding a matter we had once agreed upon and were unhappy. It seemed such a dramatic shift on an issue so I attempted to reason with him and figure out if there were any other underlying issues. Finally, he exploded. He unloaded issues he had from the beginning, venting all his frustrations out – blaming me for all of it. Come to find out, nearly every decision we had made together, he secretly disagreed with. He spoke critically of that, my preaching style, our youth ministry etc. What began to take place was this individual calling around the church sowing more and more seeds of discord with a slant that would make Fox News or CNN envious. I remember people trying to reason with him, but to no avail. It seemed he didn’t just want to leave the church – he wanted everyone else to as well.
This cut deeply as this was a person who had once told me, “I’ve got your six” and would help me shape the church.. This was a man I once viewed as a friend. A close friend actually. I’ll be honest…I was in legitimate shock. When my mother-in-law was dying this person would have me over, pray for my wife while she was away, break bread with me, laugh, and discuss our next steps for the church. Both of us were excited for the thriving church – just to see him bring a hammer to it and others. It was devastating as I saw a once thriving church heartbroken. Some people inclined their ears to him and left for their own various reasons. Others were disenchanted as they had helped rebuild the church three times now and chose to leave – exhausted (who could blame them?) Some used the disunity as an excuse to stop attending church altogether. It was agonizing.
We saw brother turn against brother during this time. One Sunday I was in Sunday School, listening to Brian teach, and my wife came up to me and whispered, “people are causing issues in the lobby”. I got up from the sanctuary, walked through the double doors, and found a group of people fighting with each other in the middle of the main doorway. I quickly separated the groups and informed them that such behavior was not appropriate. Needless to say, a chunk of them also left after this. I was tired, I was sad, I was angry, and I didn’t know what more to do. It seemed unity was impossible…
There was an old man in the church, who has since passed away, who was close friends with people from the original split that occurred before my arrival and also close with people from the one following. I remember asking him at this point (during the third split), “why have you stayed? Through all of this?” His response has always stuck with me, “because after four years, and three different pastors? I think we can stop blaming the pastors.” Little did that elderly man know how much I needed to hear those words. During this time I had begun to believe I was just an utter failure and perhaps ministry wasn’t the right place for me after all. Perhaps I was just young and dumb with delusions of grandeur.
However, fortune never favors those who wallow in self pity, so we picked ourselves up and carried on one last time. After the church endured its third split in a few years, we strapped up and prepared to build once more. Although this time? I was much more tired. Spiritually I began to feel like I had poured and poured and didn’t have much more to give. The fire I once had was but a small ember. I was also paranoid of who I could trust as I had now experienced close friends in a church say one thing with their mouth, but another with their actions. However, I am a fighter by nature, so we carried on. Then we got the news…
Cali was pregnant again.
[Cali surprises Will with pregnancy announcement] We were excited, but also scared as last time we had a pregnancy? We lost it. During this time I tried to keep Cali out of the spotlight entirely. I wanted her away from the stresses of ministry and the disgruntled church members. I wanted her to be as comfortable as possible so she could go through pregnancy in peace.
It didn’t work.
A new issue had risen in the church. These other people were determined to be heard and continued to demand meeting after meeting pointing their finger at minuscule things – primarily other church members. Finally, one day, my wife told me she was bleeding again. At this time I was in bi-vocational ministry so I rushed home from work. It appeared she was miscarrying again but it was inconclusive. At the same time, we had a previously scheduled house showing. Cali told me to go to the showing and she would monitor herself – perhaps it was nothing (although we both knew that was likely untrue). So I went. After the showing I had to run to the store as Cali needed me to pick up some things. Then I got it, the dreadful phone call. Cali called me and informed me our precious baby had passed. In the middle of the supermarket, I broke down. Andrew and Brittany were with me at the time and quickly ushered me home to be with Cali.
As we sat there mourning, my phone went off. The family who was disgruntled wanted to meet with me in thirty minutes. I texted them that it was not a good time. They were insistent and my wife told me through her tears, “just go and put an end to all this”. So I left my broken wife, walked over to the church and met them. I informed them I had limited time as things weren’t going well at home. This couple then said, “ It’s okay, we figured Cali was pregnant again…sorry it sounds like it’s not going well”.
I couldn’t believe it. This couple knew what was going on in my home, put the pieces together, yet demanded for us to meet and address their complaint anyway. What was their complaint? That someone at church, their friend, cracked a harmless joke about them in good faith. It wasn’t a malicious joke nor cruel, but a simple folksy joke. Never have I ever felt like my family’s pain meant so little. Later that week, this couple and their extended family informed us they were leaving the church. This family whom we had personally invested in for years ended up discarding us like an afterthought. They even attempted to leave a letter with all their grievances before the entire church – for all to see.
This was my breaking point. I could barely take it anymore. My family was enduring tragedy after tragedy and it seemed people in the church were more concerned about childish things than anything else. I began to speak to ministry friends, unfolding every event in detail. I was surprised how often I heard similar stories from other pastoral friends. What I thought was an exception to the rule began to sound more and more like the norm. During this time, quitting began to sound more and more favorable.
Then my wife got pregnant for the third time.
At this point I was exhausted. My wife and I were spiritually and emotionally drained. I also didn’t want my wife to have to deal with the pressures of ministry anymore as our little girl grew in her womb. Thus, after much prayerful consideration, we stepped down from the church and focused on our family. October 30, 2020 my beautiful daughter was prematurely born, but perfectly healthy. We named her Elyona – which means, “My God has answered”. Our hearts were full.
[Elyona sporting TCS merch] During this time we got settled into our new house, the podcast began to grow, I began to teach at my friend’s church, I began a new career so my wife could stay home, and in every way possible things were going well. I even began to accept the fact that perhaps I wouldn’t be in vocational ministry and even reveled in being able to minister to others on my own terms – no strings attached. With how well things were going, why go back? I had about every excuse in the book to stay as far away from full-time ministry as possible. Yet, I could not get rid of the pull. I’ve known since I was seventeen that God wanted me to serve Him in ministry. No matter how much I worked, how much money I brought in, I could not get ministry off my heart and my mind. But why? With everything I’ve said up to this point, hasn’t ministry been horrible to me?
No. Not really.
The reality is, ministry wasn’t all bad. Sure we experienced many horrible things, but amongst all those terrible experiences we had many blessings. During our trials we made great friends with people in our church. Without that church I wouldn’t have hardly any of the people who are close to me now. If it wasn’t for that church I’d never have built The Church Split with Brian. If it weren’t for that church I wouldn’t have the love for apologetics and unity like I do now. I look around me and see all the things that are most precious to me and know that it is because of our ministry at that little country church that we have what we do. Every day I’m surrounded by people whom I love, have seen grow, and have a true friendship with. In addition, despite all these negative things, I have also seen many positive things…
About six months ago I received a call from a young man who attended that church’s youth group asking me to officiate his wedding. When he originally came to the church it was because a friend of his from work (Tabby, our former editor) kept inviting him to youth group. This young man wasn’t very close to the Lord yet and lived a lifestyle that was unbecoming of a Christian. We took a personal interest in his walk, hoping we’d see him grow in the Lord, and grow he did! He surrendered his life over to Jesus Christ, he gave up friendships that were harmful, and became passionate about living a holy life. Eventually, we made him the leader of our praise and worship team.
Now, remember the man I mentioned earlier who spun things like Fox and CNN? This was one of those areas of contention for he did not believe this young man should be leading anything. He thought it was inappropriate of me to put him into leadership due to the young man’s recent background. He shamelessly held the young man’s background over his head. Yet, we continually saw fruit in this young man’s life. So although he faced condemnation from this older gentleman, he remained faithful to church and continued to pursue his relationship with Jesus Christ. He eventually got engaged to his girlfriend, a wonderful and sweet Christian girl. Months later, as I stood there closing the wedding ceremony, I had peace. My time at the church wasn’t all for nought. Not everything there was bad. Our ministry was not in vain. God had been faithful to us all these years.
This young man is but one of a few positive stories I could tell regarding our time at the church.
You see…we have a tendency to focus on the negative while missing the forest for the trees. Because of this tendency we can miss the blessings. Each and every one of my closest friends (save for a few) are because of my ministry at that church. Also, the greatest impact for the gospel we’ve ever seen was at that church. Despite the splits, there was a faithful and steady bunch that kept pushing forward. This steady bunch would recruit others to the cause and we’d see more people impacted by the gospel.
It wasn’t all bad. In fact, there were countless blessings along the way.
A while ago I wrote a piece, “Why Good Pastors Quit”. In that article I shared many of my own thoughts and experiences as to why so many people drop out of ministry. I stand by every word I said, but I wanted to add this to it: although many quit, many also cannot. Like myself, many pastors have a burning passion in their heart that won’t allow them to give up. Why is this?
Because the mission is more important than petty comforts.
We have a world that is lost and dying. There is conflict on every corner. There are people who are aimless, stumbling through life. There are people who are overwhelmed with depression feeling as if their life is without any and all purpose. There are others who are embittered by their past experiences. There are some who are filled with hatred due to an unjust world. These are all the works of the Enemy. If we want the world to turn around, then we have to be out there doing the work. We have to show people how they are made in the image of God, display to them the victory of the resurrection, project the love of Christ to them, and be prepared to give unto every man an answer for them hope that is in us. The reality is, as comfortable as life has been since leaving ministry – it’s not where I belong. I know that. Years ago I was given a mission to serve God and give the gospel to every creature. To serve the Lord with every fiber of my being. I can no longer stand on the sidelines – there’s too much at stake. This is why I’m not quitting ministry. People need the Lord and the gospel still works (my own life is a testament to that). If the harvest is truly plenteous, but the laborers are few, then my place belongs in the field – doing the work.
Stay tuned for a big announcement…
[1] Actual names have been redacted for privacy reasons.
